Oh the Spider Book Club
Congratulations!
… is how Dr. Seuss’ last book begins.
Oh, the Places You’ll Go is about how life’s all about getting out there and doing it :: hope for the best … knowing that’s almost for sure not what’s going to happen. Cause life is beautiful … but it’s a total fucking bitch. Ride it calm like a wave :: even when your head is scraping along the bottom … knowing eventually you’ll be back on the beach eating hotdogs.
Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they wont.
The book has become a popular gift to give semi-youngsters graduating from high school :: college :: grad school … or Tony Robbins’ Mastery University {with a QuadruplePhD in Bullshitery}.
Naomi Dunford sent Dave Navarro a copy of the book after he quit his job at Lockheed Martin to pursue his dream that his dreams about Naomi Dunford and Brian Clark weren’t just fantasies. Naomi had harped on him to do it for months :: in public and in private … so the least she could do was pretend to congratulate him while simultaneously shitting on a tradition.
Congratulations :: you quit your job for to do Internet Marketing … unicorns FTW!
Don’t worry about your wife and kids who need to eat and live … cause Naomi also gots a plan for getting rid of them.
Alison’s been clearing out the residues of Scamworld from her home :: Left Behind by Dave while he was fleeing into the spider wilderness with nothing but his laptop … and his delusions of grandeur. Books :: and tapes :: and DVD’s … and crap that all seemed innocent enough until it became too clear too late that it was the worst kind of devil. Naomi’s spiteful “gift” was on the trash heap … Alison not finding value in that particular copy of such a wonderful book.
But it’s irony kitsch par excellence!
And Alison :: having already done so much for the people of this community :: did me yet another favor and sent Oh the Places You’ll Go — Black Humor Edition … to an Oh the Place called Chicago.
Congratulations! :: Naomi … your dumb “gift” is on my book shelf.
It’s going to remind me about how Alison’s boys haven’t heard from their Dad … and might not ever again. It’s going to remind me about how my friend Lynn Graham is never going to hear from her sister Colleen again. It’s going to remind me of the hundreds of thousands of crying eyes that almost everyone has an incentive to ignore.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
It’s this children’s book wisdom that the whole world of scam seeks to deny at all costs.
Sometimes :: you won’t.
It’s not negativity … it’s factuality. The universe isn’t slave to your whims … but you to its. Anyone who says they have the fucking keys to success … is a fucking liar. The only guarantee is that there are no guarantees :: yada yada … chaos.
So focus on the one thing you can do :: the one thing you can control :: the only thing that really matters … be good to the people around you.
Congratulations!
>> bleep bloop
More fabulously hilarious writing ::
- Spider ShitStorm Redux Have you heard about not-rocker Dave Navarro’s funny news?...
- The IttyBiz Spider The IttyBizzy spider climbed up the water spout ::...
- Mike Dillard’s Suicide Book Club You’ve probably heard the devastating news :: maybe from...
- Naomi Dunford :: Spider Intercession Naomi Dunford spent years poisoning Dave Navarro against his own family....
- Spider Shit Storm Dave Navarro and Naomi Dunford are having an affair...
:: read one now before you die of stupid.
Agreed Droid…
Be good to the people around you.
Being a parent is a huge responsibility. Rather than leaving home with a laptop and a dream – the better solution is to leave home with your child and his/her dream.
Take them to a ball game, dance recital or just go for a drive.
Kids have huge dreams.
When you leave them to chase yours, you crush theirs….forever.
The void that is left is irreplaceable and the damage irreparable.
Nice job SD.
Hang in there Alison.
PS There’s a typo in your article (not to be a dick)
“….his dream that his dreams about Naomi Dunford and Brain Clark…”
S/B Brian
(Feel free to delete my PS after typo is fixed, just wanted to let you know)
WINNER!! ::
+7
[Reply]
zipnar Reply:
May 22nd, 2012 at 1:32 pm
@Mr Ed,
It’s not typo. Read it again along with the rest of the sentence.
[Reply]
SD Reply:
May 22nd, 2012 at 8:21 pm
@zipnar ::
There was a typo :: I spelled Brian Brain … which is the opposite of how I feel about him.
[Reply]
Sundog Reply:
May 22nd, 2012 at 10:54 pm
@SD, And here I thought it was a Ninja Turtles villain allusion
[Reply]
zipnar Reply:
May 23rd, 2012 at 12:11 am
@SD, Alas, apparently it takes having a brain to spot the real typo that I missed.
[Reply]
She’ll come to regret the mistake of giving you extra motivation on top of the 100% you already have.
It’s not all a downstream function of the fucking “Secret” I suppose, but the “if you believe in fairies hard enough and clap your hands Tinkerbell will come flying with the Internet Moniez” positive thinking claptrap sure got a boost when delusions and magical thinking got mainstreamed through it.
Oprah’s got a lot to answer for.
WINNER!! ::
+10
[Reply]
“Kids have huge dreams. When you leave them to chase yours, you crush theirs….forever.”
Quoted for extreme profundity and all around awesomeness.
WINNER!! ::
+17
[Reply]
If there’s anyone who still sincerely believes that this is a “hater” blog, perhaps this post will dispel him or her of that notion (particularly if the person takes the time to follow the links and read the back stories). Of course I’m not referring to the scammers who have a big stake in convincing people that we’re all haters here — just those who still don’t know what this community is all about.
Sometimes stories do have happy endings, or what looks like the beginning of a happy ending. Sometimes people wake up before it’s too late. I just read a comment yesterday on Facebook from a guy who had become disillusioned with a notorious huckster’s MLM/pyramid scheme/”club.” He said that for the first time in nearly a year he didn’t pay his monthly dues to the “club.” Instead he used that money to buy his son a book the kid had wanted, and take the boy to a movie. One small story… but maybe a sign of hope.
WINNER!! ::
+12
[Reply]
Jack Reply:
May 22nd, 2012 at 12:56 pm
@Cosmic Connie, $1997 buys a great deal of movie tickets. Also…
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
May 23rd, 2012 at 8:24 am
@Jack,
Re the video: I’ve seen it before. It’s a good video, and it seems so obvious. So why don’t people do it?
Well, of course, there’s the “human nature” argument. But there’s also the other sick machine. Or maybe I mean–the sick machine’s Big Brother. The whole empire of marketing every single thing you could ever possibly want if only you knew you wanted it (and the TV is happy to tell you why you need it) now, now, now.
IMHO, they made a mistake back when they decided to pay for TV with commercials rather than a license fee.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
[Reply]
[...] of the best explanations I’ve seen of this is in a recent post at the Salty Droid called Oh the Spider Book Club which attempts the original message of the famous Dr. Seuss book, “Oh The Places You [...]
“Congratulations! :: Naomi … your dumb “gift” is on my book shelf.”
Oh, the Sweet Irony You’ll Find
Nice one.
[Reply]
The fake robot looks like he’s in awful shape. Did he get chewed up by Anna?
[Reply]
SD Reply:
May 23rd, 2012 at 1:39 pm
@somebody ::
Anna never does anything wrong … and she fully supports this hater blog.
[Reply]
I’m sure your mother already knows this, but you are truly a good and kind man!
WINNER!! ::
+9
[Reply]
SD Reply:
May 23rd, 2012 at 1:35 pm
@zila ::
I’m sure having a super great mother was a big part of that.
[Reply]
– The Princess Bride
Truer words were never spoken.
Man, I hate when people turn something good (that Dr. Seuss book) into an implement of icky.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
WINNER!! ::
+7
[Reply]
And now some hippies …
… if you try not to think about Eben in the pink speedos … it’s really kinda touching.
[Reply]
joe Reply:
May 30th, 2012 at 10:28 pm
@SD,
Beware. It’s a scam!
[Reply]
SD Reply:
May 31st, 2012 at 12:38 am
@joe ::
Shirley … you jest.
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
June 1st, 2012 at 12:25 am
@SD,
And don’t call him Shirley.
Burning Man… actually I have a lot of inner hippie in me somewhere–maybe buried in my thigh or something.
There’s a part of me that thinks going to burning man would be awesome. But then there’s the rest of me that knows full well any potential neat-factor is far outweighed by the fact that it’s a fucking desert. Call me crazy, but I like climate controlled inside places.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
[Reply]
Cosmic Connie Reply:
June 1st, 2012 at 10:16 am
@Wyrd, To me the problem with Burning Man, besides the fact that it’s in a f—–g desert and I hate excessive heat, is that it attracts folks like Eben et al. And folks like Dreaming Bear. This is from a few years back but I don’t think things have changed that much. For that matter Dreaming Bear hasn’t changed that much either, though these days he seems to be billing himself as Baraka the Modern Day Rumi as often as he calls himself Dreaming Bear. (He’s what you might call a PUA with a mystical bent; even though he doesn’t specifically teach PU techniques, he uses his own mystic-poetic persona to attract and exploit wimmen.) But I digress. Here’s Burning Man through DB’s eyes, circa 2007: http://cosmicconnie.blogspot.com/2007/09/dreaming-bear-speaks-of-burning-man.html
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
June 1st, 2012 at 2:38 pm
@Cosmic Connie,
I think those sorts wind up in every group.
I’m curious–who or what is “Baraka”? In my geekyness I’m only familiar with the Mortal Kombat character.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
Cosmic Connie Reply:
June 1st, 2012 at 3:25 pm
@Wyrd, Supposedly “Baraka Kanaan” is Dreaming Bear’s real name. But it could still be a real made-up name because with this lot you just never know. I do recall that when I was in Eckankar many years ago (yes, I do come by my jadedness honestly), “Baraka Bashad” was a blessing/salutation used by Eckists. We were told that the phrase meant, “May the blessings be.”
Wyrd Reply:
June 2nd, 2012 at 12:07 am
@Cosmic Connie,
Wikipedia says “baraka” does mean “blessing”. Personally, I suggest we just pretend D-B’s name is Baraka Bahad and use this for his picture.
I mean, it’s probably not very accurate–I doubt the once-trendy programmer guys that made Mortal Kombat tried very hard to get the mythology accurate–they just figured “Baraka” sounded cool.
But accuracy is not high on the scammer list anyway.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
Oh, and FWIW, blessed be.
Artistic. A bit inspiration (in a non demotivational kinda way). Photography well placed. Good piece.
Weez humans loves the train wrecks! Apparently.
More comments needed on this post!
[Reply]
“Be good to the people around you” – ahem!
[Reply]
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