Salty Droid >> bleep bloop

Salty Droid


The initial television “news” furor about the DeathLodge has subsided into an awkward silence. Every outlet ran a :: “Three People Dead, Dead, Dead … tonight at 11” type story. But the more complicated story {which would require ACTUAL fucking journalism} remains untold.

Perhaps they are reticent to tell a tale which so starkly frames their own chronic negligence :: Or maybe they just totally fucking suck {more likely}. Either way :: The Droid officially demands MORE from them in the aftermath of the ginormous mess they helped to create.

Before the DeathLodge :: The television media couldn’t get enough of Death Ray. They gave him millions of dollars worth of free advertising :: passed him off as an “expert” giving qualified opinions :: and never asked him a SINGLE tough question that hit at the core of his transparent financial scams.

As you watch the video in disgust :: keep in mind that James Ray is a telemarketer and salesman :: he has no education :: he has no credentials or certifications :: his ADVERTISED top-end seminar is $10K :: and not very deep below the surface he’s taking people for much much more than that.

It’s not a failure to report on his horror show manipulation tactics {although it is}. No :: No. They can’t even screen him out when he comes asking for PROMOTIONAL spots. They package him up as an expert and herd the hapless into his sales funnel with their Prozac smiles :: and bleached of truth tongues. Forget about fact checkers :: they are reading off of his fucking notes!

Maybe I can help :: Let’s role play. I’ll pretend that I’m the real journalist {the kind of person who gives a shit about the public good} :: and the television networks and their affiliates can pretend like they’re a horrible monster that needs to be interviewed. Wait :: maybe this isn’t role playing. Anyways :: here’s how one might ask questions of a party behaving dubiously …

Me 2 U: Did you receive ANY form of compensation from JRI in consideration for his appearances on your programs?

U 2 Me: Uhm … oh … well … we’ll have to check with our accountants and their mommies.

Me 2 U: Are you concerned that you’ve opened yourselves up to liability to the various parties who have been substantively harmed by JRI due to your thinly veiled promotional activities?

U 2 Me: What is this some kind of hatchet job? I didn’t come here to be crucified by some god damned robot! We’ll have to check with our lawyers and their mommies.

Me 2 U: How do you intend to repay your viewers :: and society :: for your flagrant breach of trust?

U 2 Me: We haven’t admitted accepting compensation … so you speak to soon SIR!

Me 2 U: There’s a breach of trust either way you ignorant turds. Just one last question: Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? I mean seriously … are you fucking kidding me with this shit?

… and scene.

I came off pretty well there {I might just win the Peabody}. U :: on the other hand :: sucked it! You were unprepared … you sounded stupid and nervous and guilty … you won’t be asking to come back on my show {which is great because I have standards and you sicken me}.

Mayhaps you could try conducting some of your interviews like that in the future? It might be a tiny bit more useful than your current Give a Bastard a Back-rub approach.

I know some television journalists have been sniffing around this story :: Some of them have contacted me. I hope all of those stories get done :: and that some actual light is shed upon the darkness. The news media companies OWE IT to Colleen Conaway :: James Shore :: Kirby Brown :: Liz Neuman :: and all those of yet unenumerated victims. Pay up you assholes!!

>> bleep bloop