It’s finally happened :: I’ve been sued.

Was it …

Nope :: it was Eliot Bernstein … who’s totally going to get a nickname as soon as I figure out who the fuck he is.

I mean here he is giving a “Presidential Campaign Speech” without his top or bottom teeth …

… so we have that :: but I’m not sure if it really clears anything up {or maybe it clears everything up?}.

Unfortunately for me :: it’s serious … trillions online on the line.

Defendant Eliot Bernstein is the founder of the iViewit Technology Company and one of the iViewit Technology Inventors. The Co-Conspirators in this complaint stand to lose Trillions of Dollars in the iViewit Technology Case and many face prison time.

Bernstein’s got himself a top lawyer to handle the case too :: gal goes by the name of Cox … Crystal L. Cox.

Cox is an Investigative Blogger :: Online Reputation Manager :: Pro se litigator :: Reverend Wiccan Pagan Priestess … and some other made-up shit too no doubt. Here take one of her cards …

Cox lost a lawsuit that seemed to have implications for free speech :: but turned out to be about cyber-extortion instead. 1st Amendment lawyer Marc Randazza was going to help out with the case :: but then he didn’t. Reverend Crystal L. Cox :: in Love and Light … purchased a swarm of websites in the name of Randazza and his wife and daughter … and then preceded to trash the three of them ridiculously.

It was a step or two {thousand} too far :: and Randazza took Cox before the World Intellectual Property Organization {where he won a decision on the domain names} … and to federal court. Many of the domain names had been transfered to Eliot Bernstein :: so Bernstein was named in the complaint. Cox and Bernstein counter sued …

… among many others :: claiming a trillion dollar conspiracy to cover up the misuse of Bernstein’s patents on his alleged Iviewit technology.

The decade old Iviewit patent describes itself as …

A method of providing a digital image file for viewing in a viewing window of a user display, the viewing window having a predetermined size. The method includes providing a digital image having an image size comprising a fixed number of pixels representative of an image, the image size being greater than the predetermined viewing window size.

… fucking trillions!

My part in the conspiracy was asking Reverend Crystal Cox to fuck off before she further damaged the free speech rights of other bloggers :: which is why I’ve only been sued for ten million instead of the full trillions.

I guess :: I think … maybe.

But I could be wrong :: because it’s all very stupid :: and I don’t speak fluent stupid … you best try and read it for yourself {warning :: may cause dizzyness and/or temporary insanity}.

Recently Bernstein emailed me some of his ravings {because I guess now that he’s fake sued me we’re like BFFs or something} :: subject line …

“IVIEWIT BREAKING NEWS!!! “Judges Were Illegally Wiretapped, Says Insider ” & “Governor Andrew Cuomo Asked to Shut Down Judicial ‘Ethics’ Office.” Is it all related to Eliot Bernstein’s 12 TRILLION DOLLAR RICO?”

Give or take a TRILLION.

Eliot and I had a short conversation :: which started with me saying …

Why are you emailing me freak?

… and ended {the first time} with him saying …

So in parting, which is sweet sorrow, your IQ deficiency will not be missed. Best in all your endeavors and I will be at your side, as guide, when your soul goes to that black hole and my voice shall be the last thing your spirit hears and it will not be comforting.

Obviously not something a freak would say or anything … just some normal stuff.

Now go back to reading my RICO and know that in the end (coming soon) it will be a clean sweep of all conspirators assets, personally and professionally, nice to own you. Now shoo, be gone.

For seriously :: I’d rather get sucked into that black hole with soul-whisperer Bernstein … than read that Cox-gibberish “RICO” complaint again.

So I guess I haven’t been sued :: I’ve just been kinda … drooled on while riding the bus.

Boring.

Crystal L. Cox :: never nOt disappointing.

But this whole “conspiring with Marc Randazza” idea is pretty fucking great. Randazza blew a bankruptcy size hole into the evil plans of copyright trolling firm Righthaven :: stuck it to Glenn Beck :: represented the Steubenville rape case blogger

… all kinds of cool shit like that. But he’d never heard of me {or this site’s free speech problems} :: prolly because I can’t manage to get fucking sued.

A bunch of you dipshits like to talk cliché cat crap about lawyers. But if you aim to accomplish something big :: then you’re a nothing :: and a nobody … until you matter to a lawyer that matters. Big stuff requires big lawyers :: them’s the facts. It’s an extra complicated problem for a web activist :: because most lawyers understand the Internet about as well as a sedated senior citizen.

Some things are changing around here. Check out the new {more straightforward} about page :: here’s the best part …

The Salty Droid is defended by the Randazza Legal Group

Yep.

Reverend Cox :: I can’t thank you enough for inadvertently making this introduction … but I’m not so sure that the rest of Scamworld is going to feel the same.

>> bleep bloop