Salty Droid >> bleep bloop

Salty Droid

This is relevant to my interests

“Frank Kern Has Retired From Teaching Internet Marketing And Now Only Accepts Private Clients And Platinum Members” :: reports the various turd sucking scam sites of Irwin F. Kern.



Oh noes! That’s fucking heartbreaking. And he was doing so much good in the world … providing such value. Why do bad things have to happen to good people?? wink wink I know what your thinking: “Does this mean that The Droid’s Perry Belcher is a Misogynst List Control Bonus is going off the market? Nope :: rest easy sweet lambs :: that excellent bonus will be available until the sun implodes :: get it NOW before Evil Jowls runs out of cocks.

So why is Irwin turning his back on free money {and Jason Moffatt blow jobs}? After years of bilking millions from unsuspecting victims selling the “secrets” of online “marketing” :: Kern is telling his followers that the real money is offline :: and he’s just going to focus on that for awhile. You know :: this whole Internet thing is just a fad :: municipal marketing is the new cutting edge.

Highlight the word “retirement” and then click on Google’s new “Translate from D-bag” function and you’ll find that “retirement” is fake-guru speak for “running from the law.” The last time Irwin let the FTC down his pants they froze all his ass-ets :: locked his accounts :: and forced him to go begging to mommy {literally!}. His settlement with The Man cost him $250,000 :: and made selling future bullshit biz ops a very dangerous proposition. But assessing risk is not the strong suit of the ConMan personality type :: and Irwin dove right back into the deep end.

Oh the regret! Oh the humanity!

One of the special features offered only to Droid platinum targets {other than a first page Goolge listing :: natch!} is a service called “Law Enforcement Assistance Non-Protection {LEAN-P}®” :: and it’s really popular with all the top felons in the “industry.” It works like this :: you get in trouble with the law :: and then I help them finish you off with info they’d be unable to attain on their own :: because you fucking disgust me and I’ve had enough of you. And the best part is :: it’s FREE!!

“But Droid, I can’t afford that … my merchant accounts were recently suspended and I’ve been ruined! How can I get in on your LEAN-P Trouble with the Law program?” :: screams some other Syndicate d-bags. No worries. The terms of Irwin’s FTC settlement required him to keep a detailed accounting of EVERYTHING he’s done over the last seven years. All his partnerships :: affiliates :: monies in and out :: products :: sales materials :: and customer complaints or refund requests. And I’m sure he accounted for all his non-cash transfers like the ones revealed in the StomperNet docs and discussions. So his problems are your problems. Thanks Frank!

Debbie! :: stop chewing your cud and take a fucking letter …

Dear Alphabet Agencies,

We have so much to catch up on. You wouldn't believe what
I've done with my hair. Looking forward to talking 
with you soon.

Kind Regards,


>>bleep bloop