Salty Droid >> bleep bloop

Salty Droid

Joe Vitale’s Balls in a Cup

Viva España!!

Andrés Iniesta scored a great goal late in extra time to …

  • deliver bankrupt Spain its first ever World Cup title {horah!}

  • save the tournament from the ignominy of a nil-nil penalty shoot out to decide the title {thank the gods!}

A great tournament deserved a better finish :: but in spite of what some herpes ridden murderers might say :: we don’t always get what we desire and deserve. Top tournament highlights included …

  • Landon Donovan’s last second goal against Algeria {aka Lesser France}

  • Italy blowing goats

  • France blowing those same goats :: only harder {and with more cream!}

  • Ronaldo falling on the ground and crying for his fucking mommy

  • James Arthur Ray getting arrested {wrong highlight show!}

  • Diego Forlan being Diego Forlan.

  • Landon Donovan’s goal against Algeria :: the second through fifth times I watched it :: FTW!!

  • The bestest :: most beautiful :: team winning!

Joe Vitale insists that the Law of Attraction works 100% of the time. It’s a “law” don’t you know? And laws can’t be broken {unless you’re talking about laws to prevent people from being swindled by big fat idiots :: those laws can be broken}. So I suppose he accepts full responsibility for attracting me into his life. He got my attention by spreading his stink into the air :: he won the “Who’s Next?” reader poll :: numerous citizens have registered their complaints about his shenanigans with my robot hotline :: and now the Universal Mine has picked him out of a line-up of scum sucking scum suckers.

Don’t feel bad Joe :: lots of people think about me ALL THE FUCKING TIME. You just must be the best at it. Would you like a $7,500 autographed Droid headshot for your vision board?? Too bad :: go fuck yourself!

The Universe has spoken clearly …

Universe: Luke … kick Vitale in the nuts.

SD: I’m not Luke you asshole. I’m The Droid.

Universe: Oh yeah … sorry. I got confused for a second. It’s just that Luke is so awesome …

SD: Yeah well whatever.

Universe: I mean you’re awesome too. Don’t get all bitchy about it. Anyway, take care of Vitale. He sucks ass and he totally has it coming.

SD: I know :: and I will.

Viva España!!

>> bleep bloop