Salty Droid >> bleep bloop

Salty Droid

SaltyDroid’s 7 Rules for Better Blogging

I hate being called a “blogger” :: it’s stupid … but surely if “blogger” is a thing I’m a very successful one.

I’ve spent a lot of time shitting on “blogging about blogging” sites/cartels … all peddling their useless tips as religious sacraments to hopeful and struggling writers.

But I have never offered any useful advice on the subject … even though I very much empathize with hopeful and struggling writers. So here it is :: a onetime unlimited time offer … SaltyDroid’s 7 Rules for Better Blogging.

1. Don’t look at your stats.

Seriously … don’t. It won’t help. You don’t know what the numbers mean. Half the internet is just click farms :: russian botnets … and robots trolling around looking for trouble {or ads to fake click on}.

When a reporter :: hedge fund manager :: movie director :: television producer :: or government employee asks you how many readers you have … say something like …

“How many readers do you have?”

… or

“Less than Alex Jones but more than your cousin’s gluten-free mommyblog.”

You won’t follow this rule {we both know you won’t} :: and it will make the rest of the rules useless … because your human obsession with counting and comparing will not-so-slowly destroy you.

2. Focus on your content.

Everything else is distraction.

What do you want your site to be to the world? Never look away from that to start thinking about “SEO optimization” or “engagement management” or any other rubbish that isn’t you staring at a screen … filling blank pages.

Stop reading blogs about blogging. Stop wasting time and money going to events about blogging. You’ll only become a better writer by writing. Stop reading this post right now … and go back to writing!

3. Don’t guest blog.

You have your own site … always use it.

4. Don’t put ads on your site.

Ad networks are polluted with fraud :: at best … and source of the fraud at worst. Don’t use them … any of them.

If you are lucky enough to have readers coming to your site :: respect their eyes and only present content that you’ve worked hard on … that you believe in.

Don’t become a parasite shilling ads for Brendon Burchard :: teeth whiteners … and MLM tools packages.

5. You can’t make money online.

So don’t try.

If you are a writer :: embrace the fucking epic amazingness of the unobstructed path between you and your readers … it’s the Internet’s gift to you {in exchange for the everything else it stole from you}.

You can say what you want :: when you want :: how you want … and people will read it. They will. You don’t need any official sanction from The Man to be a writer anymore. If you’re working hard on your writing :: you’re a writer … don’t feel bad if you still have to work at the post office with Charles Bukowski.

6. Real people need your writing.

If you are :: like me … something less than a truly exceptional writer … then don’t think the world wants to hear your various expoundings on the broad human condition. Tolstoy basically already covered that shit.

You focus on something specific :: something real … be the light in a dark place.

Your stats don’t matter if your writing matters.

7. If you use your “blog” to fight scammers with satire :: and then take some serious time away from your “blog” while you prepare to start using your “blog” as part of a strategy to fight scammers in court {and with satire} … … … then when you suddenly reappear on the scene to execute that strategy :: make sure to post lots of posts about unrelated matters while kinda just coyly sticking the first bombshell lawsuit at the bottom of every post about every thing.

pdf pic

Perhaps Rule 7 is not widely applicable … but the others are golden.

You’re welcome.

>> bleep bloop