BlogWorld New Media Expo Cofounder & CEO Rick Calvert {he insists that you call him by his full title on all occasions} … was born in a small stupid town that sat right outside a slightly larger stupid town. Rick always wanted to live in the slightly larger stupid town {where all the good people lived} :: but his family was too poor … they could barely afford to keep the goats. Rick’s mother was an Oompa-loompa :: and his father a failed professional bowler … hopelessly addicted to sniffing shoe glue. …

I’m on vacation … so let’s just read some of my March emails together shall we? I think it will be fun because I won’t have to do very much work {I already wrote March’s emails} :: and you’ll think it’s fun because you’re easily amused like a methed-up gerbil.

BlogWorldExpo –

Jason,
My name is Shane and I’m the conference director for BlogWorld and New Media Expo. I wanted to reach out to see if you would be interested or would consider doing a keynote presentation at one of our shows.
We …

Manipulation :: if you act now :: for the whole family … and you can too!
A lot of weak and wimpy shiteaters out there think that manipulation is a bad thing :: but spider monster Naomi Dunford knows better …
… infantile manipulation …
See :: everybody’s a master manipulator :: even PreemieJack and the other lil’ babies out there …

… fucking propagandists one and all.
Baby after baby demanding that their basic human needs be met by the person responsible for meeting those needs. It’s sick.
Dave Navarro released a blogging about blogging …

http://vimeo.com/15299782
Linda Eaves is Naomi Dunford’s bitch :: according to Linda Eaves.
Being the bitch of a know-nothing loser is not recommended by The Salty Droid :: but my recommendations are rarely taken because I’m just a unicorn hater. If unicorns aren’t real :: then real life is real … and nobody wants to believe that depressing shit.
After an hour-long consult with the IttyBiz spider :: Linda finally settled on the basis for her Internet freedom business. I hope she won’t mind if I spoil the surprise and tell you  … it’s granting wishes.
Wishes …

Dave Navarro and Naomi Dunford are having an affair … they’re shagging … they both betrayed their families for a bunch of shagging …
… or something.
I guess :: that’s what everyone tells me … but thankfully I didn’t witness it myself.  Oh and also … I don’t give a shit.
Every person I asked about this situation immediately started in on the shagging. Haven’t you people ever noticed how I write about fraud rings?
I told Dave Navarro that I was coming to his cybertown :: and asked him if he’d like …

“I’m going to tell you a story and it’s very, very important. Please read it, all the way through. Women’s lives are at stake.”

One of my posts could start like that :: if I were a shit-trite writer … cause women’s lives are at stake. The after effects of protracted manipulation are regularly deadly … as Kirby :: Liz :: and Colleen might tell you if they weren’t already dead. And it’s not hard to imagine how often something like this …

… leads to a nice old{ish} lady deciding to …

Great black waves … {of allegory one supposes} … I think that’s where we left off.
ProBlogging :: you can do it! … in just 10 easy steps according to me.
And according to the professional blogger who calls himself ProBlogger :: Darren Rowse :: pro blogging is a six-figure type situation …

… apparently one of the secrets of six-figure blogging is book writing. Books are like blogs with all the convenience of a book … or something.
According to the professional blogger who calls himself Copyblogger :: Brian Clark :: if I want to be a …