The Godfather of Herbalife

And now introducing John Tartol :: seen here posers posing with some of his vile TartolSpawn Jrs … the pic {mostly} unaltered. He’s “the godfather of Herbalife” … … get it? … … it’s not funny :: because it’s basically true {in the bad way}.

Hey John!

Oh my gosh :: welcome to The Salty Droid you motherfucking fuckhead … I hope you enjoy your {4eva} stay here.

John Tartol has been an Herbalife distributor for 27 years :: is a member of Herbalife’s board of directors … and describes himself as an “ex-law student” … which is totally not a real thing … but which is a fun way to describe having only a bachelor’s degree if that’s something you’re self-conscious about. But John Tartol has no reason to feel self-conscious :: he looks fucking great … for a 68 year old lesbian.

John Tartol knows that Herbalife is an epic joke of a pyramid scheme :: controlled from the top like Stalin’s mustache … and he’s having a laugh at you about it.

Why play the lottery … when you can play the Herbalife?

… ask’s an Herbalife meme.

… like :: all the time and stuff …

The made-up numbers don’t always align :: but basically … they posit that HLF distribs have a 1/26,000 chance of reaching the automatic millionairehood of the President’s Team. Far better odds than the average job haver :: life liver … or lottery player.

Let’s assume that those assumptions are correct :: even though they are not … what are the chances that two people from the same family will both rise to the glory of President’s Team?

1/26,000 x 1/26,000 ::

aka … 1/26,000²

= 1/676,000,000.

It’s kinda like how you don’t hear about two people from the same family each winning the lottery.

But the Herbalife lottery is :: fun simple magically … crawling with “lucky” Tartol winners.

Here’s Zac Tartol …

… he’s President’s Team :: lucky guy.

Super extra lucky :: because if success in Herbalife is about selling products and recruiting new people … then the child of a person with a huge downline should be at an extreme disadvantage to the average person … having a social sphere dominated by people already recruited into the business.

John Tartol’s sister Mary Holloway :: OMG it’s a miracle … is also on the automatic millionaire President’s Team.

And hey :: you know what? … here’s her son Jake Holloway …

… telling us about how fucking TWELVE members his family have made the President’s Team :: and how now he … “praise be to fake Jesus” … is on the short track to accomplishing the same.

Thirteen lottery winners?

What are the odds?

1/26,000¹³

aka … zero … no chance … odds so low your calculator just gave you the finger

But it’s happening :: all over Herbalife … it’s happening.

What are your chances of winning … if the winners have already been chosen?

>> bleep bloop