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Krispen Culbertson William May Lawyer SEO & Associates


Leonard Coldwell’s new lawyer-ish-type-person is just not that into me …

“But then, human beings aren’t as important as your grandiose ideas, are they? Stalin and Hitler had the same idea, and you don’t even realize it. They didn’t get out much, either.”

… says he to me today.

In case you’re trying to calculate Godwin’s Law probabilities at home :: I’ll give you this data point … North Carolina attorney William May was able to resist comparing me to Hitler for precisely 13 emails.

Did Hitler not get out much? Maybe I’d know :: if the Zionist fuckstars at Facebook would stop “toking done” Leonard’s links to … ‘Adolf Hitler - The Greatest Story NEVER Told’.


William May is the “& Associates” of Greensboro’s Krispen Culbertson & Associates :: recently of counsel to Leonard Coldwell … notorious curer of {his own mother’s} cancer … and self-proclaimed “greatest therapist of our times”. Culbertson & Associates ‘Practice Areas’ page claims a strong emphasis on Internet Defamation Law.

Indeed, Krispen prides himself on being a “technology geek,” and on his thorough understanding of the process of removal, which begins with the website and ends, if possible, with the perpetrator of the fraudulent, untrue or malicious materials.

Krispen Culbertson is a “technology geek” :: so he can find that coward perpetrating fraudulents against you on the interwebs before you can tweet … #ohsnap!

Another Culbertson website {which does not identify itself as being attached to a tiny little nothing law practice} :: … further fleshes out Culbertson’s web-hunter bona fides …

At Reputation Protect we have developed unique methodology to pinpoint specific sources and our highly skilled technicians are able to create a comprehensive report of all traces of questionable material leading back to the root source. Once this information is obtained we are then able to take appropriate action.

Oooo :: sounds so wordy … must be impressive.


For just $95 :: Culbertson & Associates / ReputationProtect will …

“Use advanced technological means to ascertain the identity of the originator of the material prior to utilizing legal means.”

But in spite of their unique technological methodologies :: and Leonard Coldwell’s unquenchable desire to pretend to sue me … Culbertson & Associates have not been able to track me down sufficiently to serve me their ridiculous joke of a defamation lawsuit. Mr. May thinks he knows why :: because just like Hitler … I’m always on the run.

“Are you one of the great Trolls of the internet, and is it true that you’ve broken Federal Laws, as your overall internet profile indicates? Are you in fact on the run, avoiding law enforcement and other lawyers, just as you appear to be in this case?”

Let’s see :: no … and no.

“Based upon my client’s past experience and upon statements ostensibly made by yourself online, you consider yourself unreachable for service.”

Huh … do I?

Why is an officer of the court ducking a service of what is in fact a court order to appear and defend?

Because … I’m not?

“So, here’s my question. You’re such an I.T. expert. And such a good legal researcher. And my client is such an evil-doer. And everyone else but you is so unethical (what a howler), why do you not want to show the world the truth of all this?

Why are you afraid to come to court and answer a lawful summons?”

Last time Leonard Coldwell sued me :: I appeared voluntarily before being served … put my home address on all the filings … and posted those filings to the internet. Culbertson :: Coldwell :: and May … should have tried to serve me at that address first.

89 W. Town Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43215

I’m not there anymore :: but {like any coward on the run} I left a forwarding address with the post office … so an attempt to serve me by registered mail would yield my new address. It’s kinda impossible not to find me :: but Mr. May sure can’t … and he’s awfully huffy about it. A few hours ago he issued me a final ultimatum …

“Final time: what is your address for service?

Refuse to answer this, and we are done with this increasingly ridiculous correspondence.”

I’d hate for the ridiculous correspondence to end :: because it’s some of the funniest shit ever … so I agreed to comply by posting my address to the fake robot blog. This seemed to spur Culbertson & Associates into an advanced technological investigative frenzy :: says Mr. May {patting himself on the back} …

Okay: 89 W. Town St. Columbus, OH 43215 Confirm?

Now I have this to say to you: fall right into it. Go ahead. We’re waiting.

… slow … clapping.

Way to fucking go Sherlock! You really :: really … nailed it.

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Okay Crispin Culbertson William May Internet Lawyers & Associates :: let me help y’all dumb-dumbs out … check these “such an I.T. expert” special techniques {aka basic web searching}.

  1. I live in Franklin County :: as you’ve stated in your lawsuit … so search the land records in that county for my name. Oh look … there’s my address.

  2. Google search the local newspaper for my name :: like so … "Jason M. Jones"

    It only returns one result … and my address.

  3. And for the triple confirmation :: here’s a certificate of service from another case {and my address} posted on Truth in Advertising … which I found in just a couple of minutes Google-snooping myself.

Maybe Culbertson & Associates are better at finding rogue web speakers who are in hiding than they are at finding those of us who are in the goddamn phonebook.

Nobody cares what you do with your tiny piece of the internet that you so believe makes you somebody…

… says Mr. May :: but methinks the lawyer doth protest too much.


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