In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.
Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)
SECTION 29 ARBITRATION AGREEMENT FOR DISPUTES BETWEEN MEMBERS AND HERBALIFE
Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.
This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.
The Fake News should be running the headline:
Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud
This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.
It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.
This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.
I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.
Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!
Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.
Straight to the guts:
Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.
That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.
One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.
That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.
When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.
“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”
They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.
The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site Breitbart.com, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.
Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.
On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.
The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.
Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.
Julian Assange has been stuffed into a rape box :: and now mean old Uncle Sam is sticking his Jr. Henry Kissinger into the glory hole …
… or something.
It’s not totally clear what the pasty little shitweasel meant yesterday when he said …
“Five-and-a-half months we have been in a condition where a black box has been applied to my life. On the outside of that black box has been written the word ‘rape.’ That box has now, thanks to an open court process, been opened. I hope in the next days you will see that the box is in fact empty and has nothing to do with the words that are on the outside of it.”
So your life is a mislabeled empty box? Sounds about right … good speech champ! Maybe someone should leak you a copy of Metaphors for Dummies™.
{indignantly throws some papers and stuffs onto the floor}
Sometimes bad things happen to good cases. Last week the judge in James Arthur Ray’s triple-manslaughter trial ruled in favor of a defense motion seeking to limit evidence regarding past “sweat lodge” debacles.
What? What about all the bodies in the mud {and the thug who golf carted himself right past them}? What about the loud and unmistakable DANGER!! warnings that emanated from those past events and foreshadowed future horrors?
All out?
I know it sounds too bad to be true :: but I offer you these proofs …
:: killer of nice ladies :: slaughter of dreams :: destroyer of human dignity :: selfish fucking liar :: smelly bag of turds :: societal parasite :: useless filth stain
Seems wrong to talk about anything other than Egypt right now :: but that’s not the sort of thing I talk about. Fake robotics is only in its infancy :: and global politics is a highly advanced function. Still :: I’ve prepared a few words …
"Fuck you Hosni Mubarak :: you fucking fuck!
Go away ...
... twenty years ago.
I fart in your general direction!
etc."
Okay then :: I think I handled that situation with grace and distinction. Now on to something only slightly less important …
Who stole Eben Pagan’s balls? Or was he just born without any?
Squeals Jeremy Johnsonin re Jeremy Johnson on iworkslive.com :: a now disappeared website that Johnson put up shortly after the FTC sued his sorry ass for $275 million dollars worth of soul sucking. Most of Johnson’s sites are still up :: but this one came down after just a week or so :: probably after one of his attorneys said something like :: “So I guess you’re stupid then? You WANT to go to fucking jail or something? You have the right to remain SILENT … ever heard that?”
So he took it down like a good badboy … but I saved it … cause that’s the sort of shit I do. The site had three pages :: and used an unmodified version of the “CNN & Black Baby” propaganda pictured above.
Make sure to notice our new not-friend Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff making yet another dazzling appearance in his role as useless sellout. But more on that later …
Reprinted in full :: for the Google record :: without remark {except for those remarks}.
