In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.
Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)
SECTION 29 ARBITRATION AGREEMENT FOR DISPUTES BETWEEN MEMBERS AND HERBALIFE
Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.
This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.
The Fake News should be running the headline:
Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud
This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.
It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.
This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.
I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.
Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!
Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.
Straight to the guts:
Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.
That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.
One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.
That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.
When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.
“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”
They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.
The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site Breitbart.com, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.
Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.
On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.
The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.
Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.
Andy Jenkins really wishes that he was Frank Kern. He wishes that he was 6 inches taller. He wishes that he was twenty years younger. He wishes that he had three less necks. But sometimes wishes don’t come true. Sometimes we just keep getting older and more unattractive {no matter how stupidly we brush our gay hair} :: and we’re slowly forced to realize that we are NOTHING. That we have no true friends :: that we are not loved because we are not capable of love. Well not me of course … or you … but most definitely shitty little scum bag Andy Jenkins.
Andy was at Ed Dale’s Coming Home event last week sporting an all new look {probably trying to make up for this sham of a look}. Ed captured it and posted to his Flickr page … where you can also see MANY pictures of his children. Mixing your kids up with your marketing hype :: NEVER acceptable. Have some fucking shame pigs :: gosh!
You don’t read books :: obviously :: because you’re an idiot. But I do :: also obviously :: because I’m an epic robot genius. Reading books makes you smarter :: it burns more calories than swimming :: and it’s been clinically proven to increase your chances of winning the lottery. I think … I’m pretty sure … anywayz :: Reading is Fundamental.
But sometimes reading can lead to painful eye bleeding and herniating genitals. Many people {including Jenny McCarthy … medical expert} say that reading James Arthur Ray’s Harmonic Wealth can cause spontaneous spleen rupture {a very serious condition!}. But whatevs :: I don’t even have a fucking spleen … or I have three of them. Point is :: you don’t know … and neither do I … so I’m safe. Bring on this weak ass book …
{reads book … at library … aka “homelessness napping center”}
Ryan Deiss longs to have you inside of him. Well :: not you maybe … but your ideas. Okay :: not so much your ideas as your money. Shove it in … shove it in real good. Daddy likes his dirty money good and dirty.
Ryan worships Jesus by taking from the poor and giving to himself. It’s not in the bible … but fuck it. Right Ryan? No stealing on Sunday … well maybe just this once … or twice … or whatever … forever and ever. Money!!
“Righteous” Ryan’s latest stillborn frauduct :: My Idea Hatchery :: was inspired by the super-useful one-and-only Oprah …
“Its time for a new way of living. It’s time to live with more elegance, fulfillment, joy, and true wealth. It’s time to create your perfect plan for a more meaningful and masterful life.”
{lame 80’s music starts to get excited}
“It’s time to live in the flow! Your host, James Arthur Ray, is an internationally renowned personal success strategist, visionary, and best selling author. Mentor to over ten million people, and thousands of successful organizations. His methods and mindsets will teach you to live life in the flow, regardless of what comes your way. Now open you spirit, mind, and body and get ready to live an inspired, adventurous, and fulfilling life. Get ready to LIVE IN THE FLOW!”
All this and so much less if you sign up for James Death Ray’s new non-ironic personal development frauduct “for a small monthly membership of only $97 per month… that’s less than $25 per week to accomplish the life you deserve.”
