In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.
Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)
SECTION 29 ARBITRATION AGREEMENT FOR DISPUTES BETWEEN MEMBERS AND HERBALIFE
Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.
This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.
The Fake News should be running the headline:
Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud
This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.
It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.
This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.
I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.
Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!
Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.
Straight to the guts:
Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.
That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.
One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.
That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.
When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.
“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”
They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.
The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site Breitbart.com, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.
Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.
On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.
The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.
Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.
I’m sure you’ve heard by now that my good friend Frank Kern has just launched a hot new product that has everybody and their mothers {literally!} talking. I mean if you can’t feel the HEAT that’s emanating off this thing deep in your loins :: then you probably don’t have any loins. All the top guys are promoting it :: followed closely by all the wannabee bitches :: and the wannabee wannabees. Everyone who is anyone :: and everyone who is no one :: they can’t ALL be wrong. Can they? And maybe it’s time that I soften my position anyway. Isn’t there already enough fucking hate out there?
Frank and I have had our differences in the past. Like maybe I said he was a shit eating exploiter :: that he was worth less than dirt :: that the hair and the drawl couldn’t hide the parasitism in his eyes :: that he and his circle jerking co-conspirators had caused a staggering {fucking criminal} amount of harm :: and that he should be brought swiftly to the kick-in-the-nuts justice he so richly deserves. But whatevs :: water under the decaying bridge.
A fine piece of {shit} Internet Marketing recently featured on The Colbert Report. Congrats to Bill Heid for being mocked on cable :: an honor for which there should be an associated medal or something.
Bill has been running commercials during Glen Beck’s totally reasonable show for his totally reasonable product :: The Survival Seed Bank. $150 for some seeds that will finally allow you to plant that “Crisis Garden” that you’ve always dreamt of in your nightmares {Disclaimer: The preceding should not be interpreted to imply that a “Crisis Garden” is an actual thing. Any similarities between the words “Crisis Garden” and actual things are purely coincidental}.
Face to face, out in the heat Hangin’ tough, stayin’ hungry They stack the odds ‘til we take to the street For we kill with the skill to survive
It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight Risin’ up to the challenge of our rival And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the tiger
>> bloop
Now I’m pumped! Are you pumped? Greg Hartle is pumped :: he’s the “cream of the fight” :: it’s the kind of warm cream that an old lady drinks to facilitate falling asleep by 8:30 pm. It doesn’t sound very kick ass :: but it is…n’t.
It’s best not to have Great Expectations :: as they only lead to great disappointments. The moment you start believing that you are going to end up with the pretty girl :: Miss Havisham will intrude and bollix all of your fondest hopes. Wouldn’t it be better to fly by the seat of your “I eat too many processed foods” pants?
James Arthur Ray “thinks” so :: which is why the Spiritual Warrior Participant Guide :: sent out in July of 2009 :: contains almost no useful information about what to expect from the event. As Death Ray explains …
“Keep in mind that we will be working diligently to make this event memorable. For this reason, it is important that we do not disclose any further information regarding the event schedule or planned activities. However, we will tell you that it is going to be an exciting, unforgettable, and transformational week!”
Three days after The Droid’s first post about the Church of Scientology :: The New York Times ran their own {non-hilarious} expose. Is this merely a coincidence :: or was the Gray Lady shamed into action by my robotic bravery? I think we all know the answer. There are NO coincidences :: only the will of Xenu as manifested through vestiges of men.
Speaking of non-coincidences :: The Droid also happened to be in New York City and rolled past the Manhattan home of the glittery thetans. I didn’t have time to be audited into clear :: but I thought it was only fair that I give Mr. Miscavige the opportunity to break some of his toes kicking my metal balls. The super nice girl at the welcome desk said that Mr. Miscavige wasn’t currently available for an interview :: she seemed to think it was a stupid question :: bitch! Don’t judge me!!
No matter :: we’ll just go with a real picture :: and a fake interview.
