In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.
Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)
SECTION 29 ARBITRATION AGREEMENT FOR DISPUTES BETWEEN MEMBERS AND HERBALIFE
Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.
This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.
The Fake News should be running the headline:
Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud
This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.
It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.
This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.
I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.
Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!
Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.
Straight to the guts:
Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.
That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.
One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.
That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.
When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.
“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”
They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.
The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site Breitbart.com, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.
Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.
On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.
The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.
Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.
Are you KSW? Or are you one of these skank ass bitches who doesn’t care about the world having the correct technology? And NO :: I’m not talking about donating iMacs to your local school system. That’s just lame :: and it won’t do anyone any fucking good. As if kids need experience working with computers. Let them eat cake! Of course :: I’m talking about the only thing that really matters :: Keeping Scientology Working.
Apparently not enough people are KSW :: because Scientology is so so stupid :: and not working. Recent high level defectors note that Scientology’s membership has been in steady decline since the late 1980’s.
Most of the shit that golden god L. Ron Hubbard had to say was approximately as useful as eating gerbil turds. But he did have a few valuable insights …
Josh Fredrickson was living the life of a top tier Internet Marketer. He no longer lived with his mother {allegedly} :: and he was the sole creator of the hit website joshf.org :: which was getting literally dozens of clicks per year :: and bringing in enough fat cash for him to comfortably feed his two cats {She-she and Mr. BigglesBottom}. Massive prosperity was right around the corner. But just to keep from getting bored while he waited patiently for his rainbow shitting unicorn to show up :: he took a job a Best Buy selling after market warranties to old ladies buying blenders.
But that’s not all. Josh :: unlike so many of the IM posers out there :: actually has a formal education. He has a vocational certificate from the prestigious Brown Institute in Mendota Heights Minnesota. They don’t give those certificates to just anyone … you have to ask for one. I know what you’re saying: “Bullshit Droid! That is most glamorous success story I’ve ever heard. If it’s too good to be true :: then it probably is.” Good point :: you’re right to be skeptical. Maybe you are actually learning something around here. Fine :: then here is his resume {no one would lie on their resume}.
Read the book of Genesis again :: then Exodus :: then Leviticus :: then Numbers :: then Deuteronomy. OMG! You are so bored now. You know what you should do instead? Have a sandwich. You should definitely have a sandwich. And then you should go for a walk :: steal a dog if you don’t already have one. But stay the fuck away from Genesis :: it’s kind of the weird part :: and give the chop chop to The Book of Revelation as well {once you’ve been boiled in oil :: you can’t be trusted}.
Something about being in jail depresses people. Makes them think about the bible :: and about Emerson {that rascal!} :: and about how fun it is to dance around in the moonlight with robes and rings and eternally young fairies :: you know :: normal shit like that. Then when they get out of jail on the “You Don’t Deserve Mercy But We’re Gonna Give You Some Anyway Cause We Are Way Better Than You” rule {Part B: Section 3} :: then they totally need to Tweet about it {after they’re done getting their rocks off humping a mirror}.
Tired of cutting yourself with razor blades just to feel alive? The mess :: the guilt :: the lies to your mother … stop the insanity! Did you know that there was a less bloody way to make yourself suffer screaming pains? That’s right! No reason to self mutilate when can simply listen to “talking clump of dirt” Russell Brunson speak at the outrageously priced Glazer Kennedy SuperConference …
“Just 5 years ago, with $20 and a simple idea, Boise State student Russell Brunson started an online business - and by the time he graduated, he’d sold over One Million Dollars of products and services from his basement office.’ ABC, NBC and FOX NEWS have all featured his remarkable story - and the fact that he’s helped tens of thousands of people REALLY MAKE MONEY with internet marketing. His own company has mushroomed into a real business (!) with 80 employees… revenues exceeding $250,000.00 A WEEK - he has become legendary in internet marketing.
It’s an outstanding day at James Ray International! {dramatic pause} That’s what she said!
Will James A. Ray Finally Get Out On Bail? … asks Lynne LaMaster of Prescott News. The hilarious answer :: probably not. The hearing on reducing Death Ray’s bail to levels that won’t have delicate flower Luis Li squealing for mercy was scheduled for today :: but there is a tiny problem …
“For a while, it appeared as if today’s hearing might also be cancelled, according to Ray’s defense attorneys. Kelly explained that an agreement was reached last week with the County Attorney’s office for a deeply reduced amount of bail, but Ray was unable to qualify with the bond surety company for even the negotiated lower amount. Kelly noted that it is a typical practice for bonding companies to appraise personal assets and real estate at a discounted rate in circumstances such as this, and apparently that policy is creating difficulties for Ray.”
