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Salty Droid

Four Funerals and a Wedding

Josh Fredrickson was living the life of a top tier Internet Marketer. He no longer lived with his mother {allegedly} :: and he was the sole creator of the hit website :: which was getting literally dozens of clicks per year :: and bringing in enough fat cash for him to comfortably feed his two cats {She-she and Mr. BigglesBottom}. Massive prosperity was right around the corner. But just to keep from getting bored while he waited patiently for his rainbow shitting unicorn to show up :: he took a job a Best Buy selling after market warranties to old ladies buying blenders.

But that’s not all. Josh :: unlike so many of the IM posers out there :: actually has a formal education. He has a vocational certificate from the prestigious Brown Institute in Mendota Heights Minnesota. They don’t give those certificates to just anyone … you have to ask for one. I know what you’re saying: “Bullshit Droid! That is most glamorous success story I’ve ever heard. If it’s too good to be true :: then it probably is.” Good point :: you’re right to be skeptical. Maybe you are actually learning something around here. Fine :: then here is his resume {no one would lie on their resume}.

If you really want to get the scoop on just how great Josh is at every aspect of selling appliances :: I suggest you call his second reference Megan Tatham :: a fellow Best Buy employee. Sure Megan is Josh’s girlfriend so she’s a bit of a joke as a professional reference :: but only Megan can tell you about how loyal Josh remains even after being totally fucking BETRAYED :: time after time after time. He would have listed “Getting Betrayed” under his hobbies if he wasn’t so damn modest.

It’s not that Megan and Josh weren’t happy in their Best Buy life :: but they weren’t. Working sucks … it’s like they expect you to show up every day with your shirt and shoes on {lame} … and then they boss you around {lamer} … and expect you to sell products {lamest}. It’s horrifying. That’s why they were both thrilled when they found out about Herbalife :: and how easy it was to pyramid your way to the top of a pyramid just by telling other people who love pyramids just how gosh dang fun pyramiding can be.

One unexpected consequence of this fantastic pyramiding :: was that Megan lost weight

"Fat" Megan

Mania Megan

“Megan Tatham is the co-founder of Online Health & Wellness. A few months before she found Herbalife, Megan had transferred to a corporate job, which meant that she had to sit in a cubicle and stare at a computer screen all day. Needless to say, she put on a “few” extra Kilos, and her energy level dropped.”

In addition to dropping some Kilos {which means pounds in French … or something} :: Megan gained several levels of “smile insanity” :: an important characteristic for any budding pyramider. The manic smile did help add members to the Tatham/Fredrickson downline :: but not enough to allow them to quit their jobs and scam full time.

Fortunately :: at one of their pyramiding conferences {were they were learning how to buy more stuff in order to be more successful} :: James Arthur Ray was the keynote speaker. For Megan :: it was love at first site. For Joshua :: that was fine because he has no balls of his own. So Megan and Josh began their Journey of James Ray Power.

Eventually :: after they’d both been fully LGAT’ed :: Death Ray decided that he HAD to hire Josh :: no matter the cost. It’s not everyday that someone comes along with a vocational certificate from the Brown Institute of Mendota. James was willing to do whatever he needed to in order to hire Josh :: including putting Megan in charge of everything … and giving her a thumb ring.

The happy couple moved to Carlsbad and began living the American dream of pyramiding full time. Of course they had no downline of their own :: but Megan had thigh touching privileges at JRI :: so success was sure to follow. They were even made honorary members of the fake-exclusive World Wealth Society.

On 4/16/2005 the couple was wed. It’s probably not to late to send them a wedding gift if you’ve found the story of their courtship and nuptials inspirational. You can still find their wedding registry on Amazon.

First thing on the list :: a DVD of the classic film Magnolia :: which features Scientologist Tom Cruise as a dysfunctional motivational guru :: seminar instructor :: and professional seducer of women.

And they lived happily ever after.

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