President’s Day Ray

Running low on your supply of James Arthur Ray? Miss the spray on tan and empty blood shot eyes? Longing for the tucked in t-shits and shorts {with belt and baby bump}? Been too long since someone told you something someone else already said better?

Well then you’re in Harmonic Luck™ :: because this President’s Day ONLY the Droid Turd Shop e-Portal-2.0-Hub™ is offering 50% {or more} off ALL of our Death Ray related products. My fake secretary Debbie says I’m crazy for letting these items go at such rock bottom prices. But I say :: “Debbie :: honestly :: you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Tell me you’re kidding me :: because I swear to god I’ll throw a chair at you!” She’s such an idiot.

Anyway we’ve got Vintage Ray :: circa 1996

“A Revolutionary Approach from your New Partner and Friend…”

Your new friend will speak at your next lame corporate thingy. He’ll suck and everyone will be bored to exhaustion :: but work always sucks :: so what did you expect?

“James is the only solution. James defines the future of the speaking industry. In this age of rapid change, you no longer have the luxury of time to waste.”

This Death Ray model comes highly endorsed by Tony Robbins :: club captain of team LGAT …

“I wanted to thank you personally for your outstanding work with the Robbins Research Telemarketing Group and with our Life Mastery Trainers. The response to your energetic and motivational training sessions has been exceptional. Your commitment to personal and organizational mastery is evident in the unique technologies you have put together, and the effective interaction you facilitate.”

And if that doesn’t convince you :: then you must not LOVE aggressive telephone sales as much as the rest of us. Vintage Death Ray gives refunds {because the corporate machine is a more brutal master than the soccer mom} :: and is able to maintain an unaided erection {w_arning: has a tendency to dry hump people .. and things .. aggressively_}

Not that interested in corporate seminars? Well then maybe you’d like to learn the Network Marketing “business” from Y2K Death Ray …

“At last, a program that shows network marketing professionals how to define, attract, and close new business-building partners into your business opportunity.

You hold in your hands the key to your future destiny - the guaranteed combination to the treasure chest of your dreams - Grow Your Business.”

That’s right :: if you act now he’ll teach you how to profit by teaching other people how to teach other people to profit by teaching other people … etc etc … you know … a pyramid scheme. They usually fail 100% of the time :: but sometimes maybe they might not {theoretically}.

Or how about this classic 2001 model :: The Seizure Suit

Warning: this model is made of wax and whispers scary shit in the night … best kept outside and away from animals.

Prefer your vapid steroid user sock-less and in sandals?

Done! 75% off!

Looking for something more mystical? Maybe you want to spend an obscene amount to listen to an enlightened guru of telemarketing talk about metaphysics and quantum physics? Then you might be ready for 2004’s Journey of Power.

There are many myths regarding GodSpirit and this site and curriculum dares to begin shattering those myths. GodSpirit is Freedom, Love, and Power; and these qualities become the very fabric of your being through your own self-awakening! Our hope is that you will join us in the adventure of a life-time. By transforming ourselves we transform the planet.

Light Speed,

James

Practical Mystic

Yeah :: whatever. Don’t buy that one … it’s shit.

Act NOW and you may still have time to get our most popular product at a CRAZY LOW price that has Debbie beating her head against the wall in protest.

The product is called Karma …

… it doesn’t cost anything … and you don’t have to place an order … it just sort of happens.

>> bleep bloop