2500 Twitter Followers in 2 Weeks :: FREE!!
Twitter keeps score :: Had you noticed? Something tells me that you had {something = constant fucking chirping about it}.
It’s fun keeping score :: Especially when no one loses. When your sorry ass shows up to Twitter three years into the game :: You need not feel like a chump because a bunch of other stupid hippies already have thousands of followers. Fuck that! You can just immediately start fixating on yourself {Your FAVORITE Thing}. Two followers is better than One. Boom! You declare your whole day a victory. 100 Followers :: Oh Snap! Three figures biaches :: The whole week is a WIN! You can celebrate by not feeling guilty when you break your self-imposed 8 Drink Maximum.
But this Game can be gamed :: And with splendid ease. See, other people {that’s the people that AREN’T you} are also keeping score. If you follow them, a great majority will follow you back. Once you’ve added a point to their score by following :: They aren’t going to let you take it back. If protecting their score means following an idiot, or a whole fucking bus full of idiots, then SO BE IT.

My alter-ego @VapidDroid @GhostSaltyDroid {King of Fools} has amassed 2400 followers in under two weeks. The Ghost is set to autofollow {which is like a pheromone for follow scripts} :: He sends out an auto-DM when followed, “How can i help you make yur realites into dreams?” :: He Tweets nothing but donkey shit and pig vomit :: Pointless ReTweets, Quotes, cut-n-paste from other people’s Festival of Stupid auto-DMs, and some handcrafted original stupid. Here’s a taste ::
- SEO SEO SEO TiPs Tips TIPS .. follow me for many best SEO tips their are. Beat google at it’s own game for big $$$ why wait?
- Have you ever thought about having even more money? well now you can if you know what i say, and you piut it into Action!
- #followfriday for @ghostsaltydroid :: if you wanna learn about having more succes than people you already know your bettr than
If you want 1000′s of followers on Twitter, you DON’T need to buy some Pudgy Predator’s e-book :: You DON’T need an all day seminar with some D-Bag self proclaimed Guru. Just follow tweeps by the thousand :: Unfollow those who don’t follow back :: Then follow more tweeps :: etc etc etc. This is the technique that 100% of the “gurus” are using to amass such huge numbers {even though it’s the one they talk about LEAST frequently}. Or lazier still, pay a hundred bucks for a program or script that will do it all for you. It’s no problem to go from 0 to 20k followers in 1 month while still being a completely worthless idiot.
But if you play the game like this, then your score is in no way reflective of you, or your value to the community. It’s just becomes a measure of group insecurity, and group loneliness. Spoiler Alert :: The group is {at all times} very insecure and lonely.
People who sell “consulting” services at extreme prices by touting their Gamed Twitter Score are just THIEVES, HACKS, and BASTARDS!!
>> bleep bloop
Check out @eunmac’s article on how to spot a follow spammer {here}. The Ghost Droid’s shenanigans nicely fit into the pattern he describes.
-------------More fabulously hilarious writing ::
- Twitter Tangles Sometimes Twitter conversations between the “Brick Stupid” and the...
- Twitter Search: Not for Searching A couple of weeks ago, The Droid accused Perry...
- Twitter: Repression and Exploitation I don’t really blame the scammers for filing false DMCA...
- Free Ai My father is Li Gang bitches … at least...
- Is Jim Connolly’s hoodie destroying twitter? A lot of people have been asking me, “Why...
:: read one now before you die of stupid.









[...] a period in which Jimmy the Greasy tweeted NOTHING. It’s a christmas miracle!! {or a follow spam [...]
@SD
To what extent do you think these particular twitter gimmicks still work? More broadly–do you think twitter follower numbers are still totally bogus, or are they only semi-bogus now?
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
[Reply]
SD Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 4:29 pm
@Wyrd ::
Well I’m not on Twitter so I’m not really qualified to speak about it anymore :: but buying followers didn’t seem to be enough to deliver the presidency to marshmallow man fuck stain Newt Gingrich …
http://saltydroid.info/popular-robot-mechanics/
[Reply]
All artificial methods of getting twitter followers are bloody useless.
You just end up following thousands of garbage identities who in turn are following thousands of other garbage identities.
Which just generates a whole lot of noise that nobody ever looks at.
I have a twitter account, and follow about 150 selected people.
Just over 300 people follow me.
I follow people because I am interested in what they have to say. If I no longer find what they say interesting, I cease following them.
Whether or not they then cease following me is something I don’t know about – or even care about.
I figure that those who follow me are interested in what I have to say.
I might even follow them back if they are interesting. If they aren’t – I don’t bother. And if they cease following me because I don’t follow them I don’t even know. Or care.
The whole reciprocal following thing to increase your numbers is a crock of shit. And it stinketh.
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 9:03 am
@EricG,
Yeah, I know auto-follow is dumb. And I know there’s a lot of useless twit-bots out there spewing garbage.
I just wondered if the twitter followers number was any more reliable now than it was back in 2009 when Salty posted this.
I think what’s happened is that there’s still lots of garbage, but that twitter has put blocks in the way only to limit the number of accounts you can follow such that the number of accounts you can follow cannot very greatly exceed the number of accounts that are following you.
But… I’m not sure that addresses the core problem at all.
However, I did see a post in comments somewhere on this site where Twitter is suing somewhere between four-six of the biggest Twitter spammers. So, that might help some. It’s funny (to me). Twitter’s basis for lawsuit is that those entities are violating the TOS.
The sad part is, I suppose I need to start taking TOSes seriously*. I kind of hate that, but then after all–in a situation like this, what other recourse would Twitter have? And they need to have some sort of recourse because spam sucks balls.
* about me and TOSes: I never spammed on Twitter. But it wasn’t because of the TOS, it was simply because I figured that spamming is generally lame and a violation of the social contract of electronic communication. Spamming is basically just one step away from a Denial of Service attack. And sometimes it turns into one on accident anyway.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
[Reply]
SD Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 4:32 pm
@Wyrd ::
Correction :: Twitter is suing somewhere between four-six spammers.
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 8:53 pm
@SD, Ah.
Well, that’s even better then.
[with friendly snarkiness...]
Wait, how come you can modify my hastily written statement to generalize it to spammers, but not be more specific as to the number?
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
[Reply]
Jack Reply:
April 27th, 2012 at 6:05 am
@Wyrd, I think that it’s he meant the ones sued aren’t probably the biggest ones.
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
April 27th, 2012 at 11:43 pm
@Jack,
Point taken. I now have mild embarrassment.
It’s just that a couple of the parties named on the suit were actually companies that provide spamming tools. So when I said “biggest” I was thinking that the companies and individuals named in the suit might be ones responsible, either directly or by proxy, for a lot of the spam on Twitter.
I guess I just don’t know how deep the Twitter rabbit hole goes.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
Jack Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 6:00 pm
@Wyrd, But it creates jobs!
MTurk Spam Study
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 8:55 pm
@Jack,
Right. Much like telemarketing jobs, and nuclear waste, that’s a thing that we could stand to have less of rather than more of.
–
Furry cows moo and decompress.
[Reply]
Lanna Reply:
April 27th, 2012 at 11:37 am
@Wyrd,
Twitter removed autofollow five days after this post, so the following for autofollows gimmick no longer works. (1, 2, Chris Brogan) {Go Droid!}
Artificially inflating follower numbers to appear more popular is still happening. Newt’s “Follower Gate” was reported only nine months ago. (3) I was *just* followed by a service that sells followers.
The tactic they’re using now – paying for zombie followers – actually strikes me as a lot shadier than relying on autofollows. Autofollowers were real people who could choose to unfollow, versus Newt’s 92% nonhuman followers. (4)
Even though “less than 9% of [spam] accounts form social relationships with regular Twitter users,” they still try, padding authentic Twitter users’ follower numbers. (5 [PDF]) I’d say five to 10% of my followers are spam, the same percentage one blogger estimated back in July 2009. (6) However, he has more followers than me, which “Popular Mechanics” says attracts more spam accounts, so perhaps follower spam is actually still on the rise. (7) PeekYou says different kinds of Twitter accounts average between 30 and 60% human followers, although some of the remainder are businesses or private/anonymous accounts. (4)
Some follower spam was targeted at getting a marketing message or link in front of more people. Like the popularity-fakers, those spammers have also moved on to other methods. In a study that monitored spam accounts from August 17, 2010, to March 4, 2011, U of C Berkeley researchers found “17% of accounts rely on hijacking trends, while 52% of accounts use unsolicited mentions to reach an audience.” (5 [PDF])
On a platform where you hand-select feeds from accounts that use the service in very different ways, it’s difficult to pin down what constitutes unwanted messages. U of C Berkeley found three of the five spam campaigns they identified sent “spam directing visitors to reputable store fronts, blurring the line regarding what constitutes spam on social networks.” (5 [PDF]) And Twitter’s big fix for follower spam – limiting the allowable following-to-followers ratio – actually forces authentic users to unfollow some people in order to follow more if we don’t get enough followers.
Except when they’re proudly announcing new anti-spam efforts, Twitter refuses to comment on Twitter spam. (8, 4) “Spam and abuse reports are not made public,” even to developers, and third parties need special contracts to access Twitter’s “firehose.” (9, 10) There’s no way for anyone outside Twitter to definitively know if spam is up, down or flat. No one outside Twitter knows how many registered users they have, either. (11) They only report active users, whatever active means.
—
Put this 2008 PBS article (8) in the why-didn’t-you-investigate-further file next to all the reporters who wrote about the sales pitches at Get Motivated! events:
Evidently their lightweight coverage of “Twitter Squeeze, which says it will help you: ‘Learn How to Quickly Generate a Massive Crowd of Followers Who Give You Cash When You Tweet!’” created too much of a fuss as it was:
[Reply]
Wyrd Reply:
April 28th, 2012 at 6:46 pm
@Lanna,
Wow. That’s a scary-impressive amount of research there.
I wish I had something pithy to follow it up with, but all I can think of is: Thanks!
[Reply]
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