Popular Robot Mechanics

Stand by My Neck

Newt in 2012!!

Wait :: what did I just say?

What the fuck is a newt? Are they dangerous? Is this what the Mayan and their sadistic calendars were trying to warn us about?

OMG :: RUN!!

No stop running :: or stay not running if you were already a doubter.

It’s just Newt Gingrich and his marshmallow orgy jowl sacks.

Newt’s running for President because he has no self-awareness. Newt cheated on his wife while hounding another douche for doing the same. It’s called inexcusable hypocrisy :: and you ain’t supposed to be able to show your smug face again in public without pies and flaming turd sacks being lobbed your way.

But America is all yucky and stupid :: nobody gets the poo-sacks they deserve :: and here comes this puffy faced mother fucker again :: to something other than a chorus of laughter and boos … barely.

As much as Newt would love to protect America from the evil black guy :: and use her citizens as a toy in his narcissistic delusions of grandeur {again!} … he’s not gonna get to … cause he’s pathetic and his campaign imploded before it even started.

But he’s dominating the all important Twitter demographic

“I have six times as many Twitter followers as all the other candidates combined, but it didn’t count because if it counted I’d still be a candidate; since I can’t be a candidate that can’t count.”

Exactly :: he’s obviously hot with the “people who love Bieber” and “ask me about Herbalife” crowds :: yet the main stream media still treats him like a washed-out has-been.

But an ex-staffer tells Gwaker that most of Gingrich’s Twitter followers are fakes planted by some clueless PR firm. So that’s a shame.

Newt Gingrich and Perry Belcher :: brothers in jowls :: and fake Twitter numbers.

Holy crap-bags Droid :: why are you telling us this shit? What about the whole boiler room beat down you just lit the fuse on?

… says you people … always complaining about something.

I know :: not great timing.

But anywayz :: this Newt situation got Popular Mechanics thinking about how much of Twitter-land is actually Twitter-spam. It’s a pretty interesting article :: and they quote someone you might know …

“All this time spent sorting real from fake left me wondering: What do spammers get out of fake Twitter handles to make it worth all the trouble? Jason Jones, an antispam activist who goes by his Internet moniker Salty Droid, says fake accounts serve several purposes. Most importantly, they allow users who gain a large following to appear legitimate or popular. “It’s about providing convincing evidence that you are somebody when you’re not,” Jones says. Users can then leverage this fake celebrity to help them promote a product or infect others with viruses via links to shady websites.”

Unfortunately :: Popular Mechanics reporter Douglas Main didn’t feel the need to warn people about all my insanely awesome fucking fucks before he linked. The click-through when your quoted as an “expert” is approximately 0 – 1% :: but the click-through for dangerous :: subversive :: potty mouths who right thinking people are warned to avoid is about 80%.

For example :: don’t go read this Popular Mechanics article … unless you want the devil to take you down to Georgia. I’m seriously :: this is some hardcore :: totally effed up stuff that will leave you screaming out to The Pope for sanctification and forgiveness.

I’m not sure they’ll use any of the photos from the photo shoot in the article :: the popular mechanical photographer mentioned that the awesomeness of my glamor shots might overshadow their whole puny magazine … and possibly all of science. Here’s one of the proofs :: in case you were wondering …

{error!}

Okay :: oops … sorry about that. All this talk about glamour shots and Twitter spam caused an AndrosLoopParadox …

Let’s try this again …

… understated :: I think.

Follow me on Twitter :: Facebook :: and YouTube

… or … wait … no …

>> bleep bloop

19 thoughts on “Popular Robot Mechanics”

  1. Heh, nice work. I’ve gotten to where I don’t even click on the new followers, because they inevitably have been removed by Twitter by the time I get to them.

    Twitter, just another annoyance in life, kinda like Facebook. Why is it that I find myself going back to my friends on old-fashioned Internet Relay Chat? *Because we’ve been there 16 years and know how to get rid of spammers.*

  2. I didn’t realize you had morphed into an “anti-spam” activist. I’ve always considered you more of an “anti-badguy” activist. I wonder what single paragraph he randomly sampled on your blog that so succinctly yelled out, “anti-spam dude” and made him say to himself, “well, that’s good enough.”

    Maybe you’d benefit from having a spellz-it-all-out “media kit” for media “riters” who aren’t into that old school research stuff, which is pretty much all of them.

    There is no need to supply any fancy pie charts, just give them pictures of actual pies. Of course, they’d still probably end up described in the end as “cakes.”

  3. Jeez Salty, it ain’t bad enough you going all mainstream, but now you gotta unleash that dreaded AndrosLoopParadox again. Sigh.
    Guess I’ll need to go get something to try to clean up all the stupid.
    And you can’t threaten me with Georgian hell…already there. In fact, I live in the county where turd-hearted Newt is from – someone must have left all kinds of AndrosLoops laying around untended down here, if you ask me.

  4. Osama is happy, USA burned money on 2 useless wars and is now broke.

    Goooood opportunity to sell more MLM schemes now!

  5. Salty,
    It’s time to throw your hat…err… hardware into the political ring.
    Seriously, can a robot do any worse than securing a AA+ S&P rating?

    Where’s the first campaign contribution party?

  6. Absofuckinglutely gorgeous picture of His Droidness but I can’t help but wonder if it was photoshopped? Do all astromechs have such broad shoulders?

    As for Newt and his millions of followers, hey, aren’t friends you buy the very best kind?

    Gingrich’s abandonment of wife number one is a well-known and thoroughly well-documented fact. That didn’t stop him from rewriting history earlier this spring while fatboy was still dreaming of living in the White House with an on-call chef. Or rather he prevailed upon daughter Jackie to rewrite it. How did her new account differ from the one we all know? Newt still arrived at his wife’s hospital bedside divorce papers in hand, ugly arguments at the ready, fresh from his most recent adulterous affair, but Jackie claims her Mother already knew he wanted a divorce.

    Oh, well, that’s okay then. WTF?!

  7. So does this really mean that the number of Twitter followers is neither a gauge of one’s success nor of one’s credibility? Once again, I am shocked, shocked, shocked.

    After all, wasn’t it Joe Vitale’s sidekick Pat O’Bryan, the expert in Internet marketing, who (in a now-deleted blog snippet about critics) praised Twitter as a measuring tool? Said he:

    “What’s even more confusing is that these pro-bono critics are snarking in a vacuum. Nobody’s listening.

    “Twitter is a pretty good indicator of audience size. I think I’ve identified most of the haters on twitter. Cumulatively, they’ve got about 200 followers. Since many of them have multiple accounts and they all follow each other, a reasonable assumption would be that the entire audience for unqualified snarking is less than 200.

    “They can’t even give it away. No wonder they resent people who can write and get paid well for it.”

    More fabulously hilarious info here: http://saltydroid.info/critic-watching-with-fat-obryan/

    But that was then. This is now. Congrats on the mention by Pop Mech, SD. It’s a nice little nosh while Utah is marinating.

  8. Popular Mechanics? Robots?

    Isn’t anyone else thinking about that it all could seem maybe just a little too perfect?

    Nice job, SD.

      1. @Jack, Yeah, he’s totally dissing the FTC with that bullshit. You can’t “collect actual substantiation later” to replace the bullshit “substantiation” you are using right now.

        Koenigs is a devious little shit. He even comes across as a weasel in his videos. Notice how he puffs up his chest and puts on his little ego strut. He’s got that wimpish, snide air about him that he probably had all during high school.

        The FTC needs to run him through the wringer and hopefully give him a new place to bunk for a few years.

        1. @Ryan,

          hmm seems like this isnt even Koenings site

          Bill harrison is now in bed with these fuckers

          unreal

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        1. @Wtf, mr. “H” strikes again!

          I think mr. Koenigs does like hanging around with that fake disclaimer though, because he has them about these sites, too:

          As Seen On The Salty Droid:
          http://mainstreetmarketingmachines.com/getitnow/index.php

          And some site he sneakily called “Traffic Geyser”
          http://www.trafficgeyser.com/firepower/

          which I found out about why he named it for that, because when I went to Geology.com about Geysers I found out about that:

          “Geysers are extremely rare features. They occur only where there is a coincidence of unusual conditions.”

          So probably he made the name of the product a sort-of disclaimer, too to account for all the unusual, lucky, and rare conditions that have to happen for you to get some traffic from his marketing-video things.

  9. C’mon SD, I just had dinner, and you hit me with the Adros Glam shot? That’s just wrong. Not as wrong as a newt as Prez, but still wrong. I wonder, did Maria turn him into a newt? Or was it the garbage people in her phone who did it? Maybe it was one of her celery-like followers instead (with apologies to _cartman_). Speaking of _cartman_, can’t believe he’s letting us all dis his girlfriend like this…

    1. @Dave,

      dude…I’m so pissed off at her…she made a million dollars in real estate, and kept it from me…I dropped that zero and got me a hero!

      I’m seeing malibu barbie now…she’s fucking hot [[a little less “plastic” then Andros]]…and she comes with a corvette and beach house!!!…thank you universal mine!

      The one million dollar real estate vidEhOwe…

      http://media.share.ovi.com/m1/transcodedmedium/0065/57a0b8ba9abb485db31d87010cfcea50.mp4

  10. Sadly, it looks like Newt is on the rise. You may need to spend some time exposing his magic unicorn system to return America to prosperity. All we need to do is take a shower and get a job instead of complaining about the real crooks who stole the future.

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