Home » Maria Andros, d-bags

Letters from a Lady

Author == SD 4 August 2009 21 Comments

kilstein jedi

When we last checked in with Maria Andros {The Video Marketing Queen} she was like super stupid and stuff. Last week Maria launched her new “product” :: Surprise! :: It’s just like her old product … but now it’s older … which everyone knows actually makes it newer. Pay attention people! Sweet Jesus!

Maria’s forbidden association with Not-Doctor Kilstein continues unabated.  She has been sending me lots of emails lately {you’d think she’d hate me :: but I guess she loves hilarious fucking robots}. Several of these works of staggering genius refer to Not-Doctor Doofstein as “The Ninja King of Copy.”  As unapt a description as you’re ever likely to see.  Unapt is an excellent overall description for Maria {bonus points for the fact that it’s not an actual word}.

If you were a scam investigation robot you might spend some painful parts of your day reading Mindless Maria’s email spam :: But as you are instead but a whore for The Man :: You best just read the classically comic subject lines ::

:: Top Ten Maria Andros Email Subject Lines in July ::

1.   The Queen of Pop Vs. The Video Marketing Queen? Who will win…
I’m guessing that NO ONE wins. Suggestion from The Basic Literacy King :: The ellipsis and the question mark should consider trading places.

2.  How did “THEY” get so lucky?…
Yeah!  How did “THEY” get so lucky{QuestionMarkDotDotDot}  I’m so fucking sick of they and their success.  Give me mine.  How can I make it happen for ME this time Maria? Click on your affiliate link and then pay Tom $25,000 for some platinum level coaching? {link} Great idea! I wish I would have thought of that before I bought health insurance for the family.

3.  Is the RIGHT program running you Salty ?
Is the WRONG program running me ? Am I even running ? Who is chasing me ? Why the dead space before the question marks ? All these questions {and more} will be answered when you pay Tom McCarthy $25,000 ?

4. Salty Do you have what it takes to Walk the Social Media Red Carpet…
I’ll just assume the question mark this time.  Answer :: If you mean legs and basic motor function … then enthusiastically YES!  Answer2 :: If you mean a willingness to give you access to my credit card … then maybe not-so-much.

5. $15K in less than 6 days, after joining the SMTB Program $24 K in 30 days NEVER having made a video before
Wow! That was a good read but now I’m exhausted.

6.  Nothing for sale – Just a Personal Email “You will make Money” so Enjoy
P.S. I would like to sell you one or two little things.  No big whoop … “I’ll just need $3000″ ASAP.

7.  Social Media Traffic Blueprint has Now Completely Sold Out – Sorry! (Dramatization)
Dramatization :: The conversion of a text or incident into a play, movie, or other dramatic form.  Hmmm :: Well that doesn’t make sense at all.

8.  My NEW Secret Weapon & … I blame Harlan Kilstein Special BONUS inside
I blame Harlan Kilstein too :: We finally agree about something.  And the NEW secret weapon?  It’s likely this {I kid you not} stand alone paragraph ::

you want to look at the fact that as an entrepreneur you can hit a
PLATEAU and wonder why am I not getting the results I want?

If that little bit of insight doesn’t bring you success :: Well then :: Yeah, it won’t :: Don’t wait for it.

9.  The SECRET even Tony Robbins won’t tell us… Plus+ SMTB BONUS inside
The Secret, Tony Robbins, this headline has it all… Plus+ Minus- DollarSign$ Exclamation!

10. The HARD truth about this industry…that even the GURUS are scared to tell you
Oh! Oh! I know this one! Is it that you are all frauds and cons who build facades of false success and then exploit the trust and Internet naiveté of others without conscience or remorse?  Or maybe :: You can’t handle the truth! {Dramatization}

>> bleep bleep

-------------

More fabulously hilarious writing ::

  1. Maria Andros: She is God {maybe} Step into your roll as an expert :: Even...
  2. Pretty in Petty Meet Maria A. Andros {twitter}.  She calls herself, “The...
  3. Baring His Testimonial The Droid hears a rumor that Harlan Kilstein was...
  4. Tactic 7 :: The City of Gold Not-Doctor Kilstein :: To know him … is to...
  5. Goodbye Internet Marketing In the central halls of the Doofus League ::...

:: read one now before you die of stupid.

21 Comments »

  • John said:

    That dramatization email has to be the lamest thing ever. It was lame this time, it was lame last time, and it was lame back when Filsaime originally used it in the pre-launch for BFM. What a stupid way to try to engineer scarcity. Doesn't really work so well when it's obvious that you're ginning it up . . .

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    # 4 August 2009 at 3:41 pm
  • W. E. Coyote said:

    Sad news! Maria just posted this on her "social media traffic blueprint" web site: "Due to the overwhelming response from people all across the world, Australia, Europe, UK, Canada, and the United States The Social Media Traffic Blueprint Coaching Program is now closed." [Side note: I suppose "all across the world" is a separate region apart from the other locations mentioned."]

    That's some "interesting" business strategy there: Suddenly, stop selling something that is in supposedly "high demand" and start turning down all that cash! After all, what's money when you can just walk the social media red carpet all day long? (Although at this rate, in the future she may just be vacuuming it.)

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    froylein Reply:
    August 10th, 2009 at 5:23 am

    Also, no matter how much devout Tories might dislike it, the UK is part of Europe.

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    # 10 August 2009 at 3:52 am
  • Pearl said:

    BIG ALERT, RED ALERT!!! Listen up people, THE ANDROS ANGELS have arrived! Yep, you read it correctly. Maria has just introduced her "angels" via YouTube video and they're supposed to make their first live appearance at her BEVERLY HILLS RED CARPET event. They dance around to music in matching pink outfits. What do they have to do with social media? What will they bring to the event? Hmmmm…..

    I bet Barefoot Executive Carrie Wilkerson has her feelings hurt that she didn't make the cut…umm….couldn't fit into the Angel outfit.

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    Burpwell Reply:
    August 12th, 2009 at 3:43 am

    Is there any particular reason Carrie is barefoot? Difficulty finding shoes that large, or has she just "ain't never seen no need to wear 'em?"

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    # 11 August 2009 at 2:34 am
  • Cartman said:

    What a howl….you are a hoot saltydroid…..finally someone who is disseminating the truth. Where is your RSS feed goddamnit….I need my fix!

    You know what the funny thing is about I'm a social misfit, she uploaded that godforsaken red media carpet video on youtube and sent out a tweet link to her followers, before it was taken down 8 days later, it had just 59 views from her twitter link, and 3 views from the home page of twitter (62 whole views from 45K followers). Now that is a powerful social media following. The BIATCH took it down before I got a screen shot of the stats for my (I'm a social media retard) video……I wouldn't suppose anyone got a shot of those stats…..sigh

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    # 19 August 2009 at 8:35 pm
  • froylein said:

    Have you tried retrieving the info from your cache files?

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    # 19 August 2009 at 9:19 pm
  • Cartman said:

    Sigh…my system is set up to remove all traces when programs are shutdown.

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    # 20 August 2009 at 2:00 am
  • Steve said:

    Damn, I'd hit it though. She kinda hot in that picture.

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    # 29 August 2009 at 4:00 am
  • Observio said:

    If she's hot in that picture, it might just be because she's standing too close to Satan.

    That IS Harlan Kilstein inside that Satan costume, isn't it? Is he wearing a corset? Surprisingly, he looks to be under 300 pounds in that photo. I only recognized him because of his special healing fingers (I'm guessing the middle one holds most of his powers).

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    # 29 August 2009 at 4:55 am
  • Alex said:

    I was at the live event in San Diego last year when this photo was taken. Interesting and great story behind it. Harlan was actually speaking and promoting himself and brought Maria Spam-dros on stage as a testimonial.

    You know, funny thing, very few people in the internet marketing community seem to like her because of all the stuff you and the blog followers have pointed out. Very easy to see through the BS but apparently many newbies fall for it. When she walked on stage, there were 3 people around me that even said they couldn’t stand her and how she acts.

    So, Harlan starts to talk about how he wrote the copy for her Social Media Traffic Blueprint launch. Then, he actually speaks about how her Twitter profile was shut down during the week of her launch due to her spamming and inflating social proof. Don’t know how the hell she got it back live a couple days later.

    Moving on. As a tradition, if you’re a guest on stage at this event, then you have to wear a viking hat for fun. Maria completely refused and her real personality came-out a little. Dude, most of the people in the room booed her like crazy. It was funny and deserved.

    I think the crowd was holding the boos back when she walked on stage initially for Harlan. The fact that her shallow side came-through a little was just the perfect catalyst to let her know she sucked.

    BTW… There are some internet marketers that provide real value and help others (and make money) which I don’t see a problem with. Most individuals have some information or specialized knowledge that they can help others with and monetize online.

    However, you have people like Andros, that are the “fake-it till you make-it” type, self-proclaimed Gods, and awful spellers. They should definitely be called-out.

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    # 3 May 2010 at 11:30 pm
  • You Dumb Fuck said:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    LOSER!! :: Thumb up Thumb down -4

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    Spork Reply:
    May 5th, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    @You Dumb Fuck, sounds much better in reply.

    The reason anyone MIGHT have bought from Kilstein under such circumstances is because he is a bullshitter, and they were surrounded by a contrived atmosphere full of other bullshitters. Perhaps his bullshit sounded the least like bullshit? Doesn’t really matter, because it’s still bullshit.

    I’ve seen Kilstein’s “material.” It’s INSANELY OVERPRICED chest thumping and hype. The only thing that stuff will teach anyone is how to be a total asshole, which Kilstein is eminently over qualified to do.

    If you think Kilstein “delivers” anything, you wouldn’t notice the difference if the pizza guy delivered a box of dog shit to you instead of actual pizza.

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    Yawnz Reply:
    May 7th, 2010 at 8:28 am

    @You Dumb Fuck, yes the crowd loves Harlan Kilstein, just like they love James A Ray; that’s why they paid $10,000 for his seminars; they all must have thought he delivered too; but now those people lie just like enigma, right? Oops, those people are DEAD. Oh what liars they all are. Makes perfect sense!

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    Salty Nutz & Dried Pickle Sacks Reply:
    May 8th, 2010 at 11:38 am

    @You Dumb Fuck said “He broke the guru code by actually giving content.He’s a jerk and a sexist pig but at least tell the fucking truth. That day, he delivered.”

    WTF is “the guru code” ?? You sound like you’re in a cult.

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    # 5 May 2010 at 9:57 am
  • You Dumb Fuck said:

    You’re a dumber fuck than I thought. He’s an asshole? Check! Does his shit make people money? Check! Have you noticed Kern copying everything his little fat friend said on stage? Triple Check! I bought his shit at MC2 and it was good. You don’t have to like him but just because he’s an asshole, you don’t have to lie about his stuff. His NLP Copywriting shit I bought was good. The best part was not having to look at him in the Therapeutic Metaphor one. That’s what Kern just copied in his list cuntrol launch.

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    Observio Reply:
    May 7th, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    @You Dumb Fuck, So what EXACTLY is so GOOD about Harlan Kilstein’s absolute, TOTAL BULLSHIT?

    Be specific, shit for brains. Itemize it. Give examples. If you can, that is – which you can’t.

    So you actually PAID money for that bullshit. That doesn’t mean it’s good. It just means you are an idiot.

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    Harlot Dumbstein Reply:
    May 7th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    @You Dumb Fuck, you try to convince us of the value of Kilstein’s products, but yet you refer to his products as “shit”. Says a lot.

    This whole blog reminds me of the movie “Boiler Room”.

    http://loombo.com/ypkcymd8qbnu/boiler_room.avi.html

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    Salty Nuts n Dried Pickle Sacks Reply:
    May 7th, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    ooooh “You Dumb Fuck” aka Harlan Kilstein’s little cock sucking man-wench is upset, boys and girls!

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    # 6 May 2010 at 3:31 pm
  • You Dumb Fuck said:

    So sorry you are a luzer. Yes I bought his stuff it’s good. I changed all my salz letters and increased my moola. Sorry you want to stay a luzer. I draw a line between him as copywriter and as a person. As a copywriter, he’s one of the best. As a person, he’s a dickhead. But you’re 2 poor 2 buy anything. Luzer

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    Splat Reply:
    May 8th, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    @You Dumb Fuck, I draw a line between you as a moron and you as a moron.

    No specifics = you are a dipshit.

    Now go suck on Kilstein’s anal beads some more and see if it raises your IQ. (Hint: it won’t, but it will keep you happy and busy.)

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    [Reply]

    # 7 May 2010 at 1:27 pm

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