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Trolling for Trolls

Author == 5 April 2010 19 Comments

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

Millions of days later God was like, “And let there be an Internet, because shit is getting boring around here,” and there was an Internet. God saw that the Internet was good, and he started calling it “the webz” because he’s a huge fan of icanhascheezburger.

But woe, cameth The Trolls.  And God saw that the trolls were not good and said, “OMG Lame! But really, what can I do? You people suck.”

Amen.

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19 Comments »

  • dwight said:

    On the seventh day God rested. And while He was resting He googled His holy name.

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

    [Reply]

    # 5 April 2010 at 4:39 am
  • .nate said:

    Did you embed this just because they used the word “snarkiness”? ;)

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

    [Reply]

    # 5 April 2010 at 6:52 am
  • scooter said:

    My guess is God created humans because there was nothing good on TV and God was bored.

    And the devil invented the first commercial, designed to lure us into eating food that was not good for us, instigating craving and resulting in our being 86d from paradise.

    Voltaire, in his Philosophical Dictionary suggested yet another scenario:

    Adam and Eve ate the apple. Then, they had inner distress. For the first time they had to poo and they did not know what to do.

    In anguish, they asked the nearest angel for advice.

    The angel pointed outward into the cosmos and said, ‘See that little world out there? It is the shit-place of the universe. Go there.’

    So lo, Adam and Eve, bowels in labor, came to this planet to poop and
    once here, were never able to return.

    Scooters discovery: An ancient manuscript kept guarded in the Vatican Archives, usually kept under heavy guard. But lo, the guards were not there, for all were dealing with the current media crisis affecting the Pope.

    Scooter purloined this ancient, guarded manuscript, and offers a translation of the first few lines:

    The devil got to work and convinced Adam and Eve that soft grass was not enough, that flush toilets and TP were necessary.

    He gave it to them for free and then informed them they had to pay off the debt.

    For this they sold their souls and had to work as wage slaves to pay off the debt.

    This was not enough. The devil then invented the credit card with a teaser rate.

    So ends the translation. Scooter will reveal the rest if you pay him
    in gold, and sign away all rights to sue or mediate in case Scooter drives you crazy.

    Scooter actually works as a shill for Ken Wilber and Genpo Roshi but
    pretends online to have an independent career as a textual scholar and
    hypnotherapist. He trashes all gurus and LGAT leaders who have already
    been unmasked as being dangerous to life, limb and sanity.

    He does this to make himself look safe by comparison. Scooter eventually
    plans to be a guru himself, but assumes he will be more clever than JRay and will never hurt anyone in any way that is detectable and Scooter also assumes he will never be caught, the way JRay has been.

    So…come on, folks. Max out your credit cards. Buy some gold. Yeah, yeah, the prices are currently at an historic high, but thats your critical thinking spoiling all the fun.

    Dont you wanna find out whats really in that secret manuscript that Scooter swiped from the Vatican Archives while everyone else was busy media spinning for Benny the Pontiff?

    Scooter is different from all the gurus who got caught.

    Scooters intentions are good. He’s self educated and not trapped by any dogma–except for Ken Wilber and his integral stuff.

    Scooter will critique any guru with verve and skill—so long as that guru has already been caught and disgraced.

    But Kenny Wilber, oh no. Ken Wilber can do no wrong. Anyone who says so is projecting their shadow material onto Ken Wilber….

    Ha. Its amazing what a second cup of coffee will do to get me going.

    Scooter.

    Muchly debated. What do you think? Thumb up Thumb down -2

    [Reply]

    # 5 April 2010 at 8:45 am
  • Dave said:

    Trolls – taste like chicken.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    [Reply]

    # 5 April 2010 at 10:51 am
  • the voice of reason said:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    LOSER!! :: Thumb up Thumb down -10

    [Reply]

    froylein Reply:
    April 5th, 2010 at 11:44 am

    @the voice of reason, Did you mean “incoherent”? Also, your German-infused linguistic background shows since “as” denotes equality in comparisons as opposed to the German “als” or Yiddish “az”, which would both translate as “than”.

    Muchly debated. What do you think? Thumb up Thumb down +6

    [Reply]

    Myrra Reply:
    April 5th, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    @the voice of reason, Sheesh Vor, thought you woulda been more excited, getting to star in a video on one of the Droid’s posts. You are surprisingly more attractive than I expected you to be (you know, for a troll and all). What say you and I ditch this lame ass liberal blog and get a drink some time?

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    [Reply]

    # 5 April 2010 at 11:09 am
  • Bryan Neuman said:

    @Myrra, Froylein and SD: HAHAHA, classic! I can’t believe you know who actually commented on this video!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    [Reply]

    # 5 April 2010 at 12:15 pm
  • Boyzone said:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    LOSER!! :: Thumb up Thumb down -4

    [Reply]

    # 5 April 2010 at 6:25 pm
  • spoonfaceboy said:

    Speaking of trolls …

    I posted on John Carlton’s blog. I expect my well thought out post to be obliterated soon.

    I skimmed John Cartlon’s post “An Impassioned Plea To Keep You From Missing The Biggest Opportunity Of Your Life”. http://tinyurl.com/ygorzu3

    (I couldn’t read Carlton’s post straight through. While I’m certain the man is a good writer, the rhythm just puts me off. So much manufactured suspense. Reading his style is like watching Sylvester Stalone play Bill Murray’s role in an unholy merger of Cliffhanger and Groundhog Day.)

    The SWS Troll – *starring spoonfaceboy*:

    However… one man’s hype… is another man’s essential information.

    Is that kinda like one man’s TRASH is another man’s treasure?

    I took your FREE 3 course SWS precursor. Good stuff. How do I know? Because I read the same info in a few books I purchased at Barnes and Noble for a fraction of the cost of your course. (University libraries now stock the books I bought.)

    Obviously I’m not in your target demographic, for any reason you might want to give. So …

    It’s probably not a surprise that I turn from your offer like I’d turn from a door to door fish salesman.

    Best of luck. Your information is good. Just overpriced. And a little over HYPEd.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    [Reply]

    Carl Reply:
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    @spoonfaceboy, Amazingly, he didn’t delete that comment, and he responded in great length and with surprising tact. It was actually kind of impressive. Not that you didn’t bring up good points yourself, mind you.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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    spoonfaceboy Reply:
    April 8th, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    @Carl,

    Tact? Maybe feigned. He categorized me as an angry, unsuccessful young man who may need therapy. That was pretty clever.

    He did leave up my post — and turned it into a pitch. I’ll give him credit for being a good writer and not being a revisionist. Shit, the psychology he used in his post almost made me want to buy his mentorship. (not really)

    Maybe I’ll start things off and dissect John Cartlon’s original post and his reply to my comment. Some day, when I have the time.

    The formulas in use by long copy writers are rather simple and depend on basic psychology. Anyone with a teensy bit of talent can paint the same word pictures, ask for the sale and craft copy to make you feel like you’re missing out for not taking advantage of an opportunity.

    Want to be a copy writer? Just verse yourself in the 7 deadly sins and then cater to them in your sales pitch. It shares the basics with any other form of advertising.

    Cartlon and his ilk sell to folks who want their hands held. Maybe I am wrong about John Carlton. There’s definitely a demand for hand holding down the easy path to riches. Maybe Carlton is just satisfying it. Maybe the folks who buy into it deserve what they get. Maybe I’ll turn into an internet marketer and one day maybe Salty, like Billy the Kid, will say to me, “Yoohoo. I’ll make you famous.”

    But probably not.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    [Reply]

    Carl Reply:
    April 8th, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    @spoonfaceboy, Yeah, spoonface, maybe you need to get a grip on that anger. Maybe you should go outside and burn some copywriting books, or slap some penguins…whatever it takes to get rid of that anger. I’m not saying you need to see a shrink…you can probably figure it out on your own. But none of the successful product launch people slap penguins…it’s negative energy. Or something like that.

    Remember, it doesn’t pay to know the price of everything and value of nothing. (Shout out to John C.!) If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again. I’d add some more cliches but you can just go to John C’s blog and load up if you feel the need. As Gary Halbert would say, “onward!”

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    [Reply]

    # 6 April 2010 at 9:47 am
  • _cartman_ said:

    man….that was a good video….I laughed….I cried….I reflected (in a mirror)…and realized…I’m not a vampyre (yes a Y…i’m special that way)…

    I was in a usenet “flame war” back in ’97-’98 (i’m a survivor)…some of my 1201 posts (christ) are still “floating” around (to this day)….in some dark corner of a google server…..

    We had one resident troll in one of the newsgroups (sci.skeptic) I posted to (Earl Gordon Curley…another Cambodian….go figure)…the guy was a loon….claimed all kinds of shit…fame, wealth, psychotic powers, etc, etc, etc…butt….he ended his career just creating really bad websites (well….1 bad website besides his own)…I was finally able to track him down to a ?B&B? house where he stayed “airport executives suites”…the “executive” part….it had a fucking toaster (no joke…a toaster…it’s fucking Cambodia…what do you want)….unfortunately AES was only hosted on globalserve as a directory, so it is not archived….however….his mainsite was….

    http://web.archive.org/web/19961226231626/http://webdesign.ca/

    I resurrected my signature for one last time (shout out hughes…this mock is for you….I have more titles!)

    _cartman_
    Humanitarian, Beautiful Human Being
    Animal Lover, Watcher of Growing Grass
    Master of Emotionology (soon to be a PhD)
    Interpreter of the Mother Goose prophesies
    Certified Instructor of The 21 Emotions Exercise
    Earl Gordon Curley’s friend & psychic legal adviser
    Owner & founder of, “The Sebastian School of Emotionology”
    Intensive studies in MQR™, EGC Debate &Interpretation, & BDK posting
    Techniques

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    [Reply]

    Rafael Marquez Reply:
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    @_cartman_, I’m impressed with Earl Gordon Curley having had one of the world’s top 5% websites in the world. I wonder if Earl was the guy that tried to bring down an Qantas A380 using his mind…

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/04/06/2864643.htm

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    [Reply]

    _cartman_ Reply:
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:22 am

    @Rafael Marquez,

    Well, knowing curley, it was probably not an “authorized” top 5% image….then again….1998….standards were really low…with all the flashing/animated gifs people had on their site…his monstrosity was relatively “puke” neutral….kind of scary actually

    I read about that….but definitely not Curley….Curley died in 1998…the “war” didn’t metaphorically come to an end…it literally came to an end…

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    [Reply]

    # 6 April 2010 at 3:05 pm
  • Rafael Marquez said:

    You know, for a brief moment, I thought that troll was Kern.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    [Reply]

    Jaasee Reply:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 1:57 am

    @Rafael Marquez, Yeah, me too. Must have been the similar hairdo.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    [Reply]

    LiarCrusher Reply:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 3:00 am

    @Jaasee, That troll is Kern without his stage makeup on…that is how he looks in the morning before he puts on his IM costume…

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    [Reply]

    # 6 April 2010 at 10:00 pm

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