13 Comments »

Mr. Smith said:
Chris' Alexa Ranking = 1,084,095
Salty's Alexa Ranking = 133,342
Maybe Chris was just trying to get a decent link back to his site to generate traffic.
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@NateCheeley Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
For a site that has used the same bloated tagline for at least four years, makes up a "Coach of the Year" award for himself (with no citation) and has a total of 100 backlinks, I think that may be giving him wayyyyyy too much credit.
….and I don't want to be too cliche/mean, but when I saw that header, I pictured his mom helping him at his computer like, "WHOZ DA WIDDLE COACH UVDA YEAR?? WHO IS IT?? WHO HAS DA NUMMER ONE BLOG ONDA INDERNET?? IS IT YOU?? HUH? IS IT YOU??"
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SaltyDroid Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Thanks Mom :: You're the GREATEST!!
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# 13 August 2009 at 8:42 am

froylein said:
What a great dog! Please relate my ear-rubs.
As for Chris's email, there is so much wrong about it that I've got huge problems believing he actually is a business professional of any kind:
- firstly, the sender's name and the name in the signature line are not the same;
- secondly, professional businesses use their own mail servers and don't use free mail account providers such as gmail;
- thirdly, the email address and the business name are too long; they're not not catchy. An email address or business name must not consist out of more than seven characters in order to make for the best mnemonic effects;
- fourthly, the salutation is (incorrectly) followed by a colon, the complimentary close is followed by a comma. Such inconsistencies should not occur in business communication;
- fifthly, there also are inconsistencies between the layouts of the individual paragraphs in addition to one-sentence-only paragraphs, which are not contextually mandated and thus should be avoided;
- sixthly, capitalisations are used to connote aggression as in screaming and must therefore not be used in written formal communication;
- seventhly, the subject of the introductory causal clause and the first subject of the main clause do not concur in this sentence: "[a]s you did NOT obtain permission to use my graphic, it’s fully copyrighted and you are using it in violation of US and International copyright law, please remove that picture *immediately* (within the next 24 hours) from your site." In addition, there are weak references due to the inept use of the third person singular neuter personal pronoun and the demonstrative pronoun.
Accordingly, the sentence quoted above does not actually make sense;
- eightly, the demonstrative pronoun in "Thank you for your prompt attention to this", does not refer to any person, object or issue within the same paragraph; the use of the demonstrative pronoun is rather banal and is not part of the locution commonly used in business English and should therefore be omitted.
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SaltyDroid Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Wow :: Eight!
I was tempted to do what you just did :: But I didn't :: So I'm glad you did.
Sounding formal and professional is more difficult than it looks :: It's why people get paid big bucks to write letters like that. If you attempt it and fail :: Then you just shine a bright light on your own ignorance and stupidity.
Just to add to the non-glory of it :: He sent me nearly the same message earlier in the day via my "Report a Scam" web form :: and gave this email address :: support@instantmlmsalesletters.com
Here's what he could have said :: And I would have considered taking down the photo ::
jason/droid,
totally bummed that I'm on your site drunk and holding hands with Perry Belcher .. didn't know what an asshole he was … kinda wanna distance myself. i'm takin down the pic off my blog … is there any possible way you could take it off yur blog? what about just blurring out my face or some shit? please titanium garbage can … PLEASE!!
red in the face,
Chris
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Myrra Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
hmmmm, seems like maria andros and the other superheros of Fail should enlist froylein's services in writing, rather than throwing five figures at the Ninja King of Copy (isn't Ninja King a hereditary position anyway?). Although if Not-Doctor creepazoid charges major $$$ for error inflected crap, i'm not sure even these Superstars pulling in "millions" (no, really, millions – they said so with their own mouths) could afford someone who actually has a firm grasp on the intricacies of the English language.
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froylein Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 6:59 am
I'm actually more concerned that Maria Andros would try to stuff me into one of those pink polyester atrocities she makes her "Andros Angels" wear.
As for my prospective going rates, I'd have to figure out how much I could charge those gurus leaving them without health care, a retirement plan, vacation money and college funds for their kids but just above the level of starvation. I'm afraid the total wouldn't be all that much, but afterall I'm a true altruist so I'm selling my services 90% cheaper than what I could be charging. Also, I only accept a select handful of clients, so I might even have to hold a lottery to determine who may benefit from my outstanding services.
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# 13 August 2009 at 5:18 pm

Gnarley Wolhorn III said:
You can just envision Chris (I mean, "Icebucket") creating that "legal" email account on-the-fly to make his little peonistic multi-level marketing "operation" look "big time" and "intimidating." Unfortunately, it actually makes him look like a know-nothing wanker, although I imagine all the happy campers at Camp Wattahoochie will still respect him for his advanced knot-tying coaching prowess during the summer months. I wonder what his designated pre-paid legal firm would tell him if he were to call and ask for some help "dealing with a little robot problem?" I think they would tell him, "Bleep Bloop."
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SaltyDroid Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
I'm not so sure I can envision him coaching Knots and Wattahoochie :: Knot-tying requires practice and a modicum of mental discipline
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# 13 August 2009 at 5:21 pm

KDaddy said:
Ha! Thanks for including the link to this douche bag's website. What a tool! It makes me realize that these fuckjobs like Perry Belcher are just making money from fools like Chris, then showing those fools how to go make money from other fools, thus creating a pool of fools out there selling shit to people about how they can make money by being a fool and turning other people into fools teaching other fools how to be a fool and take people's money… and that's the only way these assholes really make money.
Chris does have the number one blog online. Screw Perez Hilton, come on, he only gets $10K to post an ad on his blog for a week. Chris has the best content online! Advertisers should be paying him twice what they pay Perez Hilton!
Long live Chris Zavadowski! The drip of douche that rises to the top of the bag! I'm ready to give him a thousand dollars for his latest tips on how to make money!
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# 14 August 2009 at 5:43 am

TechnoViking said:
TechnoViking would never fall for Chris Zavadowski's mumbly-talk! NO! TechnoViking is no internet newbie with all cash and no brains. Remember: be like TechnoViking! Dance, and do not buy overpriced internet mindrot training garbage made in someone's basement! Are you listening Chris? You must dance to our music NOW, Chris Zavadowski!
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# 18 August 2009 at 2:20 am
» DMCA Claims – Part 1 said:
[...] Chris starts by reprinting the masterwork of a letter he’d sent to me the day prior {link} :: and then this [...]
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# 20 August 2009 at 2:59 am

Hoopdy said:
Yo, Chris Zavadowski! 'Sup, homie? Got youz a new ice bucket to wear to dem parties yet? Maybe Perry will let you put his thong over your head. No, you don't have to wash it first if you don't want to. Howz the MLM stuff hangin? Thought so. Better luck next time flyboy.
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# 2 September 2009 at 4:27 am

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