The Belching Button
14 May 2009 :: by sd :: CommentsCurrent post on the ever uninformative PerryBelcher.com = {The Belcher Button} ::
The Jowl Button also requires its own domain {TheBelcherButton.com} ::
And what the fuck … how bouts a few tweets ::
Evil Jowls: The Belcher Button Explained in Video {Digg Link} <– Why it’s FREE and Why it Works So Well
Evil Jowls: Using The Belcher Button? –> Promote your site here {Digg Link} Add your link in a comment and I’ll approve it now!
The Belcher Button {OMG it’s Free!} :: It’s just “another” way that Evil Jowls is giving back to the society which he heretofore had only Sacked & Plundered.
If you haven’t heard of The B.B. then it’s highly likely :: Your marriage is failing :: You’re living a goddamn lie :: Your life is going NOWHERE! :: You don’t even want success.
But if you’re one of the {hypothetically} successful winners then you know ::
“This is by far the most tested buy button in internet history. I have used it on hundreds of sites in dozens of markets with great results.
Split tests show close rates increased by 35 to 320% over ANY other buy button I have ever used. Every element of the button has been tested individually in over 10,000 closed transactions.”
Exactly! Evil Jowls has collected and analyzed the data :: and EVERY DETAIL of this button has been market maximized {applause}. I know what you’re thinking ::
“Geezo Droid, there sure are a lot of different variables at play here. The sampling would need to be highly sophisticated to prove meaningful, and the regression analysis would be complex … at best.”
Holy Crap … U R Smart! And Also –> Agreed. The regressions would be NO FUCKING JOKE {Regressions: I Dare You} :: But I’m sure Perry is qualified … after all, he has a GED and he’s already cured infertility.
Here are some conclusions from this monumental Button research ::
Use a red hashed outline
Use navy blue text on the buy button
Outline the button with red
Add a kick-ass bear {warning :: bear not split-tested}
cough Oh and btw … if you wouldn’t mind clicking on the link below the FreeButton Video and signing up for 43SplitTests.com … an amazing opportunity to get EVEN more Perry Belcher split-tests for the low-low {once-a-month} price of $97 … now ‘til forever.
The Droid almost signed up for 43 Split Tests :: But something held me back. Something about the “buy area” just felt wrong to me. The border was black :: The button text wasn’t Navy Blue … No glowing RED outline around the buy button :: THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY!!
>> bleep
Introducing The Belcher Button – Droid Remix
If you are Tweeter :: Click on the button to send Evil Jowls a hand-crafted message on Twitter. He’d appreciate it :: All publicity is good publicity!
{You will still need to push send :: So you’ll have a chance to chicken out or make changes}
>> bleep bloop
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