Mark Shurtleff Hearts Jeremy Johnson

Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff fucking loves Jeremy Johnson.

… or something.

I guess that’s why just three months after using his Twitter account to tweet an execution :: he used the same account to publish this adorable father-n-son moment between himself and the world champion of boiler room assholes …

Please help :: by giving some more of your monies to Jeremy Johnson.

The Salt Lake Tribune reports that Matt Gunn left his job as a school teacher {already helping} in order to head up Johnson’s UtahHaitiReliefs …

“And his hopes of going back to Haiti were dashed when Johnson, the school’s benefactor, was sued by the Federal Trade Commission.

I got a text from Johnson saying his accounts had been frozen and there was no more money.”

{cameras on} :: Now you see the rich white people …

{cameras off} :: Now you don’t …

Building up small hopes :: and then dashing them upon the rocks {because publicity stunts don’t involve long term planning} :: classic “helping”.

Along with freezing his ill gotten assets :: last week a court put a receiver in charge of iWorks and all Johnson’s many other sham companies.

“Since 2006, Johnson’s companies took in more than $350 million from sales, but returned about $75 million to customers who complained to their credit or debit card companies, while keeping more than $275 million, according to court records. “At its height, the scheme was ensnaring 15,000 consumers per day,” the FTC said.

Johnson has received more than $48 million in salary and other distributions since 2006, the FTC said.”

The same article notes that the scam involved more than 500,000 credit card chargebacks. How can only 61 shell companies rack up that many chargebacks without setting off the fraud detection catastrophe alarms? It shouldn’t be possible. Hopefully the squares-in-suits are currently asking many irritating questions of the payment processors. In December :: the FDIC ordered Utah’s SunFirst Bank to …

“Immediately cease” supplying processing services to Triple Seven LLC, Mastery Merchant LLC, Powder Monkeys LLC, Elite Debit and any other “associated account holders, customers or clients …

John Allen, president of SunFirst, declined to discuss the order, issued Nov. 9. It also instructed the bank to improve its policies and procedures dealing with consumer protection issues.”

Policy & Procedure Improvement Ideas ::

• Idea One :: 400,000 is probably too many chargebacks.

• Idea Two :: so is 300,000 …

• etc.

But true love lasts :: and Mark Shurtleff’s not going to let a little thing :: like the black hole sun of fraud schemes :: get in the way of his devotion to Jeremy Johnson’s money …

”@ Best of State Awards to receive Humanitarian of Year on behalf of my friend Jeremy Johnson for his service in Haiti. www.bestofstate.org.”

Jeremy Johnson was too busy running a $275 million suckhole to accept his Humanitarian of the Year award :: so Utah’s chief legal officer accepted it on his behalf. Cause that’s just the kind of thing that BFF’s do for each other …

Sometimes God creates the parodies … and I just cut-n-paste.

>>bleep bloop