The Anatomy of a Physiology

Our good friend Not-Doctor Kilstein calls himself a copywriter :: And SELLS himself as such. Act Now! and you can pay him $1277 for some of his gilt-edged copywriting wisdom {link}. Wow! That’s a lot of scratch :: I wonder {without wondering} if he’s worth it. Let’s inspectify the copy he’s written for one of his own scam-a-licious products.

Introducing :: The Physiology of Excellence

The all-important first sentence … everything is riding on it … I’m choking with fake anticipation … wait for it … ready, set, go ::

“Breakthrough Your Fears, Eliminate Painful Shyness, and Enjoy The Life You Really Want - Forever!”

Oops! The FIRST fucking word is wrong :: That’s a shame. I thought we were about to have a breakthrough here :: But Not-Doctor Doofstein was unable to break through his fog of stupid.

Okay :: Not a good start. Let’s just move on to the GIANT FONT ALL RED second sentence ::

“Renegade Hypnotist Reveals Secrets To Boosting Your Confidence Through The Roof, Eliminating Your Shyness and Stuck States, Approach Members of the Opposite Sex, Burst Past Old Limitations, Lose All The Weight You Want, And Instantly Program Your Mind For Success Using A Lost Change Technique”

On second thought … maybe that’s not a sentence. A few minor quibbles ::

• “Renegade Hypnotist” – a very sad oxymoron.

• DON’T capitalize articles, small prepositions, or the word “to” :: Mainly because IT’S WRONG. But if you must do it wrong … at least be consistently wrong {which is almost as good as being half right}.

• “Reveals Secrets To Boosting Your Confidence Through The Roof” :: Sorry FatBoy … also wrong. It should be –> “reveals the secret to boosting” .. or .. “reveals secrets for boosting” :: Cause them’s the fuckin rulez.

Okay, so the writing is TERRIBLE :: But maybe the product is valuable.

“Today, you will find that your hopes can magically become real.”

Sounds awesome :: I love magical realism.

“Impotence Removed in half an hour! I had one man come to me who had lost all confidence with women… {yada, yada, yada} One half hour later, he was done. The problem was gone!”

Interesting … having a hard time envisioning exactly how that might have played out … but I guess I’d have to concede that if you can get a hard-on with Not-Doctor Kilstein in the room … your impotence has been cured.

But hurry :: This is a limited time offer ::

“In other words, if you don’t order now, you may never see them again.”

Of course, if you check the web archives you’ll see that Not-Doctor Kilstein has been selling this shit since 2002 {link} :: So maybe urgent action isn’t required.

Still not convinced it’s time to make a purchase? Then check out the four, “incredible testimonials from people who have purchased and viewed this DVD.”

Here’s the first one ::

“This technique is too powerful not to include in your NLP arsenal. Harlan Kilstein easily teaches this technique and you get to watch a master do his magic on the tape. I picked up this technique and have gotten great results using it both with clients and on myself. I highly recommend it.

Uri Goldstein, Los Angeles”

And here was Uri Goldstein’s “incredible testimonial” back in 2003 when the Physiology of Excellence product was a VHS tape of Menachem Kasdan demonstrating the technique {link} ::

“This technique is too powerful not to include in your NLP arsenal. Menachem Kasdan easily teaches this technique and you get to watch a master do his magic on the tape. I picked up this technique and have gotten great results using it both with clients and on myself. I highly recommend it.”

Uri Goldstein, NLP Practioner [sic]”

Oops! ALL FOUR of the testimonials are demonstrably FAKED. Sounds like a crime {because it is one}. And it’s an archived crime which can’t be covered-up or deleted … trouble. I recommend taking down the whole site immediately so that the Statute of Limitations can start to run … as long as The Physiology of Excellence is being sold … prosecution is an option for some bored and lazy regulator.

Terrible writing, bad ideas, ludicrously false claims, strange pictures, fake testimonials :: And still somehow not quite as stupid as Finger Healing.

>> bleep bloop

“This technique is too powerful not to include in your NLP arsenal. Harlan Kilstein easily teaches this technique and you get to watch a master do his magic on the tape. I picked up this technique and have gotten great results using it both with clients and on myself. I highly recommend it.”

Uri Goldstein, Los Angeles