In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.
Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)
SECTION 29 ARBITRATION AGREEMENT FOR DISPUTES BETWEEN MEMBERS AND HERBALIFE
Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.
This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.
The Fake News should be running the headline:
Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud
This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.
It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.
This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.
I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.
Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!
Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.
Straight to the guts:
Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.
That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.
One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.
That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.
When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.
“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”
They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.
The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site Breitbart.com, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.
Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.
On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.
The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.
Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.
Not being an ass :: but Dean Graziosi sells better on camera than pretty much anyone on the planet right now … says asshole Dean Graziosi about himself … the loathsome and pathetic Dean Graziosi.
Better than anyone on the whole fucking planet! That’s how epic Dean is at the on camera selling. Planetary epic! If he does say so himself … not to be immodest or anything … but he’s the fucking best.
Sometimes though :: like maybe once in awhile :: or always :: he needs to use a couple boiler rooms just to make sure that people had the opportunity to realize exactly how good he truly was at on camera sales. Once they realize it :: they can haz their credit cards maxed out in appreciation.
Some people might call Dean Graziosi a front. A pointless puppet who struts around like he’s the main man :: while in fact not being the main man :: or any man :: at all. But I wouldn’t call Dean a front :: because I don’t think he’s tall enough to be a front … more like a nubbin.
My fake secretary Debbie is quite susceptible to scams.
D-bags often call headquarters looking for an opportunity to suck-up to me and my divine stylings in authorship :: but I usually can’t take their calls {because fucking idiots are boring} … and they end up selling Debbie on some blueprint to international bestselling good fortune instead.
I call her names :: like ding-dong and bat-brain :: but that never seems to help … so I mostly just laugh at her. It’s fun to laugh at people who are already suffering :: it’s like a 2-for-1 Groupon for a firing squad execution.
Fake Debbie can afford to be scammed because she’s well compensated for her secretarial services. Debbie makes three-times as much money as you wish you made … because I’m just that HUGE {and generous!}. If you don’t believe that :: then I don’t care … because you make less than my secretary.
But the Debbie in today’s episode of The Salty Droid Presents Horrifying Audios isn’t fake.
Utah based Professional Marketing International is a proud member of the Alliance for Lifelong Learning. According to The Alliance …
“Consumers can be assured that Members of the Alliance for Lifelong Learning maintain the highest level of integrity; employ experienced qualified instructors, coaches, and mentors; and follow strict standards and practices.”
Utah’s stellar Attorney General Mark Shurtleff helped to set-up The Alliance :: apparently to make sure everything continued to run smoothly in Utah’s lucrative fraud exporting sector.
When PMI’s head-honcho Phil Smith isn’t boiling leads for hack-bastard-morons like Anthony Morrison and Dean Graziosi … he’s serving as the chairman of the Alliance for Lifelong Learning … ensuring standards and integrity and shit.
In 2009 The Alliance met on K Street to consider all of their old-lady screwing options. Guess who came up in the discussions?
Dean Graziosi thinks anytime is a good time to sell you on the idea that now is the right time to make an unjustifiable fortune flipping real estate. It’s a great opportunity for stay-at-home moms and people on disability to get out there and take action … I guess.
You know what they say about real estate … it only goes up. Or at least that’s what Goldman Sachs says while they’re selling you a real estate based derivative that they’re betting against behind your back. Suck it pensioners :: that’s what you get for not reading the fine print that we keep in our other offices.
Dean Graziosi :: stupid little nobody :: says the real estate markets have hit “rock bottom” … and he should know because he doesn’t have any degrees or educations cluttering his mind with fact-i-tudes.
Anthony Morrison uses the television to tell people about how HUGE he is on the Interwebs. But most Internet people :: like you people :: have never heard of him. Loving the Internet really cuts into time spent watching shitty 3am infomercials … and fake web-star Morrison has almost no real web presence.
The infomercial is a fake show hosted by Chicken Soup for the Hole dipshit Mark Victor Hansen {pictured here mounting Anthony for reasons I’d better not get into}.
Mark Victor Hansen :: like fellow Soup for the Hole heroes Jack Canfield and James Malinchak :: only cares about helping others succeed. He’s a giver …
On the fake show :: The Hansen Report :: The Hansen interviews the The Morrison and we find out about how the Internets are full of magics and unicorns.
