Copyblogger’s Brian Clark no like me.

Me so sad :: me want to cry. How will me ever succeed on the blogs now?

I’ve been critical of Brian Clark’s vapid message :: his parasitic existence :: his censorship of dissent :: his being a big fat unreasonable bully :: and the total uselessness of his useless products.

Ouch.

Even worse {for Brian Clark} :: in spite of my outrageous outrageousness :: this fake robot website has become big and important … and whatever I’m bitching about seems to go right to the top of the search results.

Sorry Charlie … aka Copyblogger’s Brian Clark SEO Scribe Genesis Exodus Brian Clark Leviticus Scribe SEO Brian Clark Numbers Deuteronomy. Amen.

Brian tries {sometimes} to pretend like he’s legit and not just some fuckball Internet huckster … so I guess he’d better respond to my serious criticisms in an appropriately lady like fashion …

… or not.

Somewhere around 38th in my search results is an “article” about me written by the famously boring Brian Clark.  It never appeared on the pages of his crap blog … it’s more like a private message between his PageRank 6 website and the search engines.  Here’s his message :: brace yourself for a big shocker …

The Salty Droid’s Real Name is Jason Michael Jones

“Salty used to be a lawyer, but he’s mainly a long time sufferer of acne-prone skin. After wasting literally thousands of dollars to get skin clear, he realized that the most important factor for clearer skin is an intangible – self-discipline.

All Jason wants to do is share with you what he’s learned, and hopefully offer you a shortcut and quicken your journey to clear skin.

Read all of Jason’s acne wisdom here.”

Ha!  What?

Something is seriously wrong with you people.

First :: I obviously didn’t write the stupid e-zine articles {I didn’t read them either}. For someone who goes around threatening to sue people for libel :: and who also claims to be an ex-lawyer :: it’s a highly questionable misstatement.

Second :: Numbered lists are for people who can’t write … *cough* Brian Clark *cough*.

Third :: Yep … Jason Jones writes this site. It’s never really been a secret :: but for the past twelve months it’s been completely on the record … I embedded my fucking diploma and law licence like some kind of haughty little bitch.

Fourth :: Just to give Copyblogger’s Brian Clark a heads up before he writes anymore thrilling exposés … I’m also not this Jason Michael Jones … convicted of felony child neglect and maliciously wounding his mother … although that does sound fun.

Fifth :: Do you fucktards think I care that you’re associating my name with this blog? Do you think people who know Jason Michael Jones are going to be surprised to find out that he writes a non-conformist website that sticks up for the little guy … and makes assholes weirdly uncomfortable?

Do you think at all?

Sixth :: Jason Jones LOVES this blog. He could not possibly be prouder of what it has already accomplished. If :: by some miracle of irony :: the d-bags helped The Salty Droid rank for the search term “Jason Jones” … which is clogged by famous awesome people like The Daily Show’s Jason Jones :: and Bungie co-founder Jason Jones … then SaltyDroid Jason Jones would squeal with glee not horror.

Seventh :: So please … keep it up Brian Clark {and various assorted shitweasels}. Me likey.

To our fake success,

{still} Jason Jones

>> bleep bloop