Mike Koenigs Presents Mike Koenigs

Mike Koenigs wants to take Tony Robbins’ load.

{error :: restart}

Mike Koenigs wants to take Tony Robbins’ load off.

Robbins has a lot {of load} on his plate :: what with needing to be full of shit 24-7 in order to prevent his craptastic sham of a life from fucking imploding {god willing!}.

Koenigs wants to help bear some of this precious precious load in order to stave off his own sham life implosion.

Last year Mike prepared this pretend professional presentation for Tony :: pitching him on the greatness of the Koenigs parasite experience.

It’s best if you imagine it read in the voice of a desperately insecure little shit weasel who is as far from coolness as Perry Belcher’s back sweat …

The iron was hot because Tony Robbins Breakthrough was just about to debut on NBC and change TV and fake psychology forever. Unfortunately for team scam :: it got shit-canned after just two episodes and some of the worst ratings in the history of crappy television.

Nothing builds trust like a Syndicate :: and a Frank Kern.

These all sound like huge winners :: I can tell already. Sold!

At Least One More Woman…

Mike is cultivating some women :: he just can’t think of any by name right now … or ever … unless it’s for the sake of group masturbation.

… and “The Anthony” for the Best Use of the French Term for Trade Union goes to …

{a hush comes over the crowd and massive goodwill begins to crescendo}

… what might have been …

I guess this is Mike Koenigs idea of a business idea :: a pay for service set-top box that pumps recycled infomercials right into your living room where the recycled infomercials were already playing for free.

Let Mike take care of everything. No worries. Mike has methods. No risks :: it’s just lovable old Uncle Mike driving around town with your brand :: building some massive monies and empowerments for African womens.

Anywayz :: let’s make movies bitches!!

It’s just like “The Secret” :: except that nobody is dead … yet.

Hollywood Ambassadors? Musical Heroes?

Okay cool guy … whatever you say.

Maybe we could get Mannheim Steamroller :: then we could give them “The Anthony” for Lifetime Achievement in Internet Marketing Gangsta Punk Rock.

Seriously :: control the new kids. In fact :: form a syndicate … it’ll build massive goodwill.

And now for a few financial projections …

Don’t laugh.

No wait … I mean do laugh! Ha ha ha {times infinity!}!

Holy shit what an idiot!

Is a forward and an intro to “The Mike Method” that much to ask in return for generating an additional $128 million worth of imaginary revenues?

P.S. Remember that poisonous specter I warned you about? The fake robot who is irritatingly trying to protect people from scammers and assholes? Well :: could I just gage your interest level :: scale of one to ten :: on him receiving copies of this presentation along with all sorts of other embarrassing documents :: pictures :: and audio recordings?

>> bleep bloop