Kim and Sandy :: Episode 4 The Dead

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Kim Jong-il :: the great leader of the comrades and god of the many-flowered moons :: is dead at the age of whatever. After his long battle with whatever :: he lost and died … and now I laugh in his dead face.

Above is how the North Koreans {who are just like the regular Koreans except starving} learned of Kim’s timely demise. In case you can’t read Korean sign language :: I think she says something like …

“The Queen is dead … long live the Queen!”

Speaking of Queens :: poor sad Sandy Jenkins :: his lusty love and style-soulmate gone forever …

… oh the humanity!

Sandy didn’t appreciate my appreciation of his bouffant boyfriend love the first time :: so I did it again as a special gift … in recognition of him sucking so much suck.

Gosh that’s inspirational :: like that one movie where that horse wasn’t going to win that one race but then it did win and all the people were like … gosh that’s inspirational.

Episode 3 was the big breakup episode :: but breakups don’t mean much in the world of fat necked man sluts. Quoting my own self …

“And so it went … and so it goes.

There is much sadness in Kim’s black heart :: maybe he’ll die.  Let’s hope.”

OMG :: I killed Kim Jong-il! I didn’t even know it until just now :: but it for sure sounds like something I would do. First I killed Naomi Dunford and all her friends :: then I killed Don Lapre even though he was showing people how to get as many $1000 checks as they wanted … now this.

Episode 3 was short and stupid because it was a teaser for a very important post.  Episode 4 is short and stupid because I have other things to do this week :: and you people aren’t the fucking boss of me!

>> bleep bloop

49 thoughts on “Kim and Sandy :: Episode 4 The Dead”

  1. I always thought they’d eventually get back together. I guess there’s no chance of that now since you keep killing everyone.

    1. @what??,

      There’s still hope for Andy if the favourite son turns out to be a spanking new duracell shoved up Kim Il Jong’s mummified butt. He may walk and talk again, revivifying his grandad Kim Il Sung at the same time–3 for one.
      Genius worthy of JAR’s educational rating!

      However, he’s got to get it past the Generals first, given the size of the standing army, before Andy and Kim MK 111 can resume their trysting and give us all some more hilarious entertainment.

      1. @stoic,

        Yep, Talking to myself here–Druff was right, no one else listening–except the London Met’s finest, who I’m sure are agog at every word.

        Tossers, the lot of them.

        Still trying it on, though even those ten plank jobbies must have realised that they are busted now.

        I have recently revised my earlier opinion–North Korea has it bad but the UK is fast going in the same direction. Taking a leaf out of Kim Jong Il’s book themselves.

        Policing by consent my arse–they are doing their best to turn the entire state into a Stalinist Gulag by driving the people who pay their wages insane if they do not consent to ‘move along, nothing to see here.’

        Who the fuck do they think they are? Putins people?

        I work for a charitable trust which has recently bought Capita software–my work compouter has beeen hacked also–with some dickhead playing games with the software–targeted at me of course.
        I studied network admin myself years ago so I know how this is done.
        The combined dickheads are scurrying to cover their tracks now, fob offs and excuses–but I know what is going on and the dickheads are probably doing the same in every government or publicly-funded organisation.

        Sounds like a rant?
        Yeah even to me.
        But it ain’t

        This is what we have come to.

        And I will pursue this because I am seriously annoyed.

        Thank you for your time, Mr Salty.
        Normal service may resume ASAP, then again it may not.

        I, like everyone else in this Brave New World, am trackable. So I am going to just wait for developments.
        They must be scratching their heads at New Scotland Yard about how to shut this crazy old lady up.

        I kind of like taking–and am going to continue doing it.

        Suck on that, tossers of the Met–and tossers everywhere.

        1. @stoic,

          Talking to me, me and myself alone again.

          My last post to this site was censored, I still have the Met Police as fellow-travellers so do not know who whisked it away into cyber-space, never to be seen again.

          It was about the 30 odd people for whom I am responsible here, about their safety and security–as I am waiting for the goons to turn up on my doorstep, my computer to melt down or some such game-playing.

          What Would Kim Il Jong Do? –in such a similar situation, I ask myself.

          I think we all know the answer to that one.

          I wonder how far the Met will go? They have so far proved a trigger-happy lot–it was the unnecessary shooting of a citizen hooligan that sparked those famous riots in August–and then they planted some throw-away gun on him to justify the shooting.
          The inquiry has established that much–that the poor sod was unarmed at the time and that the weapon was not connected to the dead man.

          What times we live in.

          Lets see if this one will post.

          1. @stoic,
            I tried to thumb up your post, stoic, to continue the narcissistic theme–but no joy.

            Next time round maybe.

            1. @stoic,

              If we are being post modern and artistic etc, stoic, you could call it a self-referential installation, buried deep into the ground by the original artist so that it could never be moved–or removed.

              I’m going for that one myself–and I’m also taking myself off for a spell on gods ear shortly–I’ve rediscovered another site of that oracle that has been sadly neglected for over 20 years, by me at least.

              I’m renaming that one my own private vortex.
              Sedona-eat your heart out–you don’t know nuffin yet.

          2. @stoic ::

            The Metropolitan Police are censoring your comments to this idiotic blog?

            No … they aren’t.

            Computers get viruses :: especially PC’s … get over it.

            Or don’t … I don’t care … but leave me out of it.

            1. @SD,

              Well, you’re the whizz kid with the internet smarts–you want me to leave you out of it you can block my access here.

              Should be a simple thing for such a smartie pants as you Mr Droid.

              Here’s something for your listening pleasure, and for fake robots everywhere. What goes around, comes around, Nothing new under the sun:

            2. @SD,

              Oh, and just in case your readers don’t really read–you know, the history of our species–that real stuff–or at least as real as it ever gets, listen to the end for the best bit of the lyric:

              “meet the new boss
              same as the old boss”

              Classic!

  2. And here I was just getting ready to launch “Kim Il Jong’s 10 Secrets to Total Dictatorial Customer Control” for $4997 or $3997 if you acted to day, and supplies are limited. As soon as we run out of electrons, it’s over.

    1. @anonone,

      I know this is a scam because of the false sense of urgency – everyone knows you can switch to photons if electrons run out

      plus I think Dandy Jenkins is planning a course called

      “Black Heart Customer Control & Bestiality – the 2 things by boyfriend taught me”

      The launch is being set up by Jeff ‘I’m my wife’s bitch’ Walker

      The big guns are lining up:

      Frank “I can’t make a dime unless it’s a scam biz op”Kern

      Mike “I sold Hyundai before starting my scamming career” Filsaime

      Ryan “I talk about church to fool you into not seeing my heart is evil” Deiss

      Perry ” I scam therefore I am” Belcher

      John ” I failed at every business I ever started before I started selling biz ops” Reese

      and

      Jeff “I scam because honest people are too stupid to know any better: Johnson

      should be a blow out offering…charge back rates are projected at 75%…

      Good Times

      1. @Shit Storm,

        And now Ross Jeffries has joined the IM scammers with “MindFrame Persuasion.” His sales letter starts (I kid you not):

        “If you are ready to blow your competition…”

        The Fake Robot can find his Jeffries’ new product page, I am sure.

        1. @anonone,

          And there I was developing a soft spot for the mock satanist/PUA artist.

          Silly me.

          Still like to see that TV clip, Ross, if you’re listening in.

        2. @anonone,

          You couldn’t make this shit up…of course Ross will be back sharing how he is not the scammer we all think he is

          1. @,

            Ross Jefferies has gone from teaching boys how to scam girls to starting his own scam factory complete with his “could make you millions” info product.

  3. you sir, are a terrible soap writer. what a pathetic attempt to conclude a plot, killing all the characters.

    geez

  4. Droid has something to do this week? Holy Toledo, don’t tell me the droid finally got a job? Droid won’t look very dignified in those green tights and curly-toed shoes.

    1. Okay, so maybe it’s a little optimistic to predict that tyrants will actually disappear. @Wyrd was probably right about the death of Kim Jong not really being the end of anything. However, for the benefit of any of those who might have been confused (or even offended) by my mention of Hanukkah in this context, that song I linked to is traditionally associated with the holiday. Yeah, turns out it really is about more than dreidels and latkes.

      Or maybe the thumbs-down votes were just because the comment wasn’t funny enough. I’ll try harder next time.

  5. Salty’s new book “How to rank for Kim Jong Il longtails in 10 minutes or less” now on sale at Amazon. Buy Now With One Click.

    1. @Not A Jenkins Fan,

      I find it very telling that Andy Jenkins chooses to act the part of a woman

      I also think Andy Jenkins needs to permanently wear a bra for his man boobs

  6. I had been looking forward to this post, but we haven’t heard your thoughts on the prospects of their dumpy love-child Kim Jong Un. Will he fall into the hands of the scheming North Korean generals? Or will he re-unite with Sandy and form a life-coaching workshop in Phoenix?

    The world watches nervously.

    1. @208-577-6210,

      Were I a gambler–which I’m not–I’d take a punt on Sedona, Arizona, if you could add that to the race card.

      I really liked Arizona last time I toured it–missed Sedona somehow–but loved the Madonna Inn–so kitsch.

      I’m developing a desert theme here, I see.

      Wide open spaces with no fucking snooping Met Police tossers in them.

      Deserts I have known and enjoyed:

      Sahara
      Gobi
      Arizona
      Does Utah qualify? Surely the prettiest early in the morning. And that big cat, whatever it was–priceless.

      1. @stoic, OK, I’m leaving you poor people alone for a bit, now.

        Even I’ve had enough of this soap opera for one day and am going to watch some pre-digested pap on the TV for light relief.
        Lots of funnies on at this time of year.

        Thanks for listening,

        I may be back (just a warning Mr salty in case you might want to block my IP or something geeky that I am too much of a luddite to comprehend fully)

        Feel free, I am and its almost as good as hearing the pipes.

        Joyous, like a hen harrier on the stoop.
        Or maybe like a Harrier Jump Jet swooping low over the conflict zone.(any of those left for the defence of the realm–now that the coffers have be drained on dickhead-style ‘covert’ ops against the tax-paying citizenry?)

        jesus, what a way to spend christmas.

          1. @It could happen to anyone,

            Yes, thanks I’m fine. Just exhausted from writing to every MP I can find is relevant. And trying to get my hacked and battered machine to work properly. I will start again on the phone tomorrow.
            Thanks for asking.

        1. @stoic, Now what on this green earth are you talking about young man? Are you talking in some kind of code? Because I don’t know the code.

          It’s hard enough with the arthritis in my only two typing fingers acting up something fierce lately. I can only type about 2 words a minute right now. Used to be able to type at least 5 words a minute before, so this has set me back something terrible. Then here you go and make me wonder if you’ve got some affliction. Well, I don’t like wondering, stoic. Especially when I’ve got cookies in the oven. A person can’t wonder and keep and eye on cookies at the same time. It’s one or the other.

          If you tell me what it is that’s ailing you, I might have a poultice that will fix it. You just tell me what it is and I’ll go check my recipe box. I only have poultices for body ailments though. So if it’s a head ailment, sometimes hooch will help. But now, if the problem is hooch, then more of it won’t help.

          I’ve got to stop wondering for just a minute, and go check my cookies. After I’m done checking, I’ll commence to wondering again. So let’s hear what’s ailing you. None of that code talking this time though. I think I need to go wrap both of my typing fingers in a poultice now.

          1. @Madge Crikey,

            Sorry to be cryptic. I have had a run in with some stupid idiots playing games. I am doing my best to work my way out of it and then I will be putting the whole sordid mess together–a true soap opera of our times.

            I am an old woman BTW, and not much good on the typing myself, bit of a luddite but well able to spot a piss-poor surveillance operation.

            I pay UK taxes to fund this ludicrous nonsense.
            I am gobsmacked, tired but still gobsmacked.

  7. So far at least, Kim Jong’s death is boring to me because it doesn’t really feel like the end of anything. His son will presumably slowly take the reigns of power and things, such as they are, will probably continue more or less as they have been. *shrug*

    Now if Kim Jong-un somehow makes a radical departure to democracy (as if–I imagine he’d die silently at night at the hands of the generals in that case) or declares a Beatles song as the national anthem or something, that would be interesting.

    Let’s see, Andy Jenkins. Every time I hear his name, I’m stuck recalling the line from Memento “Remember Sammy Jenkins,” and that always messes me up.

    Andy Jenkins is the a$$hole with the The Boss video series, right? He’s the sort of dick who, even if I were totally conned into the IM-MMO sheep group, I would still hate and speak out against. Andy’s openly arrogant attitude pisses me off the way hippies piss Cartman off.

    Hey Andy, what’s wrong with showing a little go*d*mn respect and humility? Oh, right I forgot–you’re a sociopath. Respect and humility are alien concepts to you. Whatever.


    Furry cows moo and decompress.

  8. Is Jenkins having a goofy midlife crisis? What’s with his appearance “makeover?” It’s like trying to put lipstick on a pig, or more accurately, a whale. You just can’t fix goofy.

    This promotional video is ridiculously pretentious, or maybe pretentiously ridiculous. He’s a hack, trying to act cool (not even possible), and doing the longest 5 second “countdown” ever. Try not to vomit if you watch this.

    1. And if you have nothing substantive to offer, just distract them with a song and dance. Too bad he does neither well.

  9. Ok Salty, why do you keep picking on the women?!?? First Naomi Dumbford, then Crystal Cox-breath, and now Sandy Jenkins. Isn’t it about time you evened things out? Oh wait…never mind


  10. ” I have other things to do this week :: and you people aren’t the fucking boss of me!”

    It’s something I try forgetting when I go to make my long list of demands for people you have to investigate

  11. I’m surprised nobody is mentioning Jenkins recent accomplishment. Allow me.

    Many moons ago when Jenkins was preparing to launch Video Boss, he made an announcement that he was working on a movie that would be as big as the Blair Witch. If you are wondering about the reference to the “Blair Witch”, this is probably an important piece of information you need to know about Jenkins;

    “Partner and producer at Haxan Films – I help produce movies for Haxan Films – the film company that made the block buster hit “The Blair Witch Project”.”

    While Jenkins wasn’t a Partner (nor a producer) when the block buster hit came out, he still used the success of Blair Witch (Directed by Eduardo Sanchez) to make his “accomplishment” bigger then lie.

    Andy Jenkins (executive producer) along with Eduardo Sanchez (director), created one of the most popular “movies” on the planet (just not this one)!

    The movie is “Lovely Molly”.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1707392/fullcredits#cast

    Lovely Molly was #15 on a list of: “The 25 Most Anticipated Movies Of Summer 2012”

    http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2012/04/the-25-most-anticipated-movies-of-summer-2012/lovely-molly

    The power team of Jenkins and Sanchez used Andy’s internet marketing prowess to promote the masterpiece.

    “Finally! After almost 2 years, Lovely Molly OPENS TOMORROW! (I’m gonna cry…). If you can come see it, that would be awesome.” -Jenkins 5/17/2012

    How compelling! The marketing of the film also included;

    Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, website, trailers, billboards, write ups, etc., and Molly was released (in 5 theaters) to the American Public.

    The Blair Witch project (which Jenkins had no part in) made around $140 Million dollars, and in a close second comes Lovely Molly, with gross receipts of $18,464,110 (From May 18-May 28)!!!!!

    Oh wait! The second comma should be a dot, and drop the last zero. With gross receipts of $18,464.11. $9K of which came on opening day and the other $9K trickled in the following 10 days!

    http://boxofficemojo.com/movies/?page=daily&id=lovelymolly.htm

    The video boss (and all the marketwhoring), went video bust.

    Suckcess! (capital Suck, pool of cess)

    Even with the prior success of Eduardo Sanchez, the self professed marketing and video prowess of Andy Jenkins, the incredible viral power of the internet, the use of online social media, and a boatload of offline marketing venues, the film ultimately flops.

    Still interested in learning “marketing” from the “video boss”?

    1. @EthiopianCrackBaby, In the Verge’s “ScamWorld” article, Jenkins referred to the “movie” he was working on as “a cross between Blair Witch and Bigfoot.” Ridiculous. I wonder if “Haxan” films is freudian, based on the word, “hack.”

    2. @EthiopianCrackBaby,

      Oh, the best part is that the article ends that it should be a sleeper hit “if given the right marketing push.”

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