In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.
Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)
SECTION 29 ARBITRATION AGREEMENT FOR DISPUTES BETWEEN MEMBERS AND HERBALIFE
Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.
This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.
The Fake News should be running the headline:
Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud
This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.
It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.
This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.
I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.
Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!
Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.
Straight to the guts:
Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.
That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.
One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.
That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.
When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.
“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”
They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.
The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site Breitbart.com, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.
Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.
On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.
The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.
Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.
Yeah :: too easy … those were the best of times. But such direct confrontations are a rarity … prolly because people are very intimidated by all the beeping. It’s too bad :: cause when the story tells itself … I don’t have to worry about telling the story. Working hard sucks :: as Tim Ferriss taught me at evil asshole bible camp.
Internet Marketer :: and top Herbalife distributor :: Shawn Dahl … has a real thing for his mother-in-law {pictured above left}. Well :: maybe not her so much … as her scamtacular business ideas. Before Dahl met his mastermind mother-in-law :: his best scamming idea involved becoming a middling real estate agent in the Siberian province of Vancouver.
The money in real estate was good :: but the lifestyle was a grind. Or :: the money in real estate was no good … and Shawn and Nicole were living paycheck to paycheck. Which origin story you get depends on which of Shawn’s bios you ask :: his past has a habit of changing to suit his present.
In the year of our Lord two thousand and something-ish :: Shawn Dahl met Nicole’s mommy Deborah J. Stoltz … and everything changed. 4 Shawn and Nicole anywayz :: but stuff for everyone else stayed pretty much the same … fucking lame and shitty.
If you’re asking yourself that question :: then the answer is most definitely … NO!
Fuck no!
Not even close.
Forget about it.
But can you make enough money online to help out with your bills … maybe take some of the pressure off your life?
Almost definitely not.
You can use the Internet to help you sell goods or services :: but as it was before the Internet … your success or failure will depend mostly on the quality/cost of your stuffs :: on your ability the attract the attention of the marketplace … and on plain dumb luck.
The Internet as an automated success machine :: is just a mean lie … it never existed.
The Internet has made starting a new business cheaper and easier than ever :: but also harder than ever … because so many other people can now start a new business cheaper and easier than ever.
The web can help you get your ideas out there :: where they can be seen with just a single click … but then they’ll have to compete with billions of other ideas for those same clicks.
The Internet has changed almost everything … but almost nothing has changed.
Within this new world of paradox :: liars thrive … confusing an already confusing situation with manipulative propaganda about unicorns and golden eggs.
Liars can make money online {no doubt} :: but you … not so much.
… you can’t make money online.
It’s the {much hated by everyone in Internet Marketing} totally perfect counter-propaganda tagline of this site :: and it will be the tagline of this site forevermore.
Forevermore!!!
Or at least until right now :: when I get bored of it … and shitcan it on a whim.
Forevermore.
You know what I think makes more poetic sense as a tagline?
I know :: I was gone for a longish time … and you missed me muchly. How were you supposed to remember not to put your tongue on the hot stove without me around to fake robotic fake mother you?
{applesauce}
I know.
Oh well :: I’m sure you’ll be fine … time heals all {tongue} wounds. I was never particularly interested in what you had to say with your tongue anyway. Why listen to you … when we could be listening to me instead?
